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發表於 2010-12-30 02:47 AM | 只看該作者

[時事討論] wiki竟然恶搞我国～馬拉國～18+ 不喜勿入

本帖最後由 civicboy1969 於 2010-12-30 09:58 PM 編輯
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馬拉國的作者疑似感染了富奸病毒，公仔箱論壇% `& k) ]+ ]' z9 X  ?
或專注於周公Online而缺乏完整內容。（如左圖） tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb2 H9 _( T- d6 L* z1 n  b  Q8 N! o
急需任何路人的瘋狂惡搞來幫助補完。
公仔箱論壇) p) f5 Q# G) U# ]  n5 o

مليسيا Great Malashita& \|( D! n' H" \2 ?$ M" r 大馬拉屎鴨國（馬拉屎國）
TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。: K+ I6 u% E7 e) M3 A4 s 國旗	# G9 p N" P8 \1 `0 [: T- P國徽
國家格言：Tiga Malaysia!! (譯為：一國三制馬拉國！！)或是“玩Malaysia” TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。+ K" \0 R6 A( v
國歌：Negarakuku 中文（打打屁股）
自然地理! E9 j6 o# A( A7 \, y$ s0 d8 k/ m （實際管轄區）

首都	妓窿波
最大城市	妓窿波
面積國土面積：國家機密...平方公里（世界第还是國家機密名）水域率：都是國家機密%
時區	HMT +88888888
人民生活
官方語言	只能是馬拉屎語
人口總人口：國家機密（世界第馬拉人第一名）人口密度：馬拉人每天會生產很多，很難做准！（也會死很多，多死於車禍或笨死）/km2（世界第馬拉人第一名）
政治文化
政治體制	君主立憲聯邦會員 (有人想把它推倒變為共和國)
國家領導人：國家元首：冬菇：屎拉雞丁政府首腦：首相（暴君，昏君，一箩箩，A钱王）：那只雞‧燉‧咖喱(走了昏君來了暴君，簡稱：垃圾）
主要節日	八十三加一和五百加十三
經濟實力
貨幣單位	零鸡雞
中央銀行	馬拉屎亞終殃銀行
國家資料
國際電話區號	78752222

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馬拉國（Horse Pull Country/Malashita），全名為大馬拉屎亞BN政府可以A錢國。

目錄[隱藏]

1 簡介

2 語言

3 政治

4 地理

5 歷史

6 人口

7 國情

8 代表物

9 著名靈異事件

10 代表句子

11 地理

12 外部連結

[編輯] 簡介馬拉屎國，是地球上一個非常喜歡養馬的地方，到處可以看見馬，也稱「马猪」。由名字可知，這個國家隨處都可以見到馬屎。馬的顏色五花八門，有白馬、灰馬、黑馬等。馬拉屎國也稱為大馬，因為這裏的馬長得很肥美雄大的緣故。不過，由於氣候酷熱，這裏馬的品種是以淫毒泥屎鸭和土猪為多，雖然品種不多也不好，但在政府喜歡養馬的情況下，馬拉屎國的馬開始大量玩活塞運動，以致馬拉屎國的馬日益增長，馬多為患。大部分的馬都有政府飼養，閑著沒事做，有些馬還時常橫衝直撞，亂踹路人，不事生產，好吃懶做，無法無天，聊事鬥非，自高自大，以致馬拉屎國很多鄉民都不喜歡馬，也非常痛恨馬，想[[推倒]它們。 # \8 Q8 E2 E. Z4 C. m7 U
[編輯] 語言交談語言則是馬癩話，俗稱馬語(Horse Language)。「哪里」在馬癩語是「馬拿（MANA）」，煮菜叫「馬撒(MASAK)」，吃飯是「馬幹（MAKAN）」，玩叫「馬硬(MAIN)」，死亡叫「馬蒂（MATI）」，還有媽媽叫「餓馬(EMAK)」，一切以馬見稱。因為媽媽叫“「餓馬(EMAK)」(饑餓的馬)，餓了就要找「馬幹（MAKAN）」，所以喜歡找爸爸玩「馬硬(MAIN)」。如果你的個性受人歡迎，那麼就會有人稱你為「布雞馬（PUKIMAK）」还有马拉人见面时都会说‘wa salah lu mai kong‘意思是（我做错事你不要讲)，因为马拉人很蠢常常做错事，所以见面时都要互相提醒。 TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。- R4 }: A& b+ o1 {: P
[編輯] 政治馬拉屎國的警察是馬拉國的打手，平時沒事做便喜歡推倒馬，所以稱為「馬打」，就連第四任首相的名字都叫「馬哈帝」。政黨「馬語」常常見報，隨時可以見到可以批評政府的養馬政策，歪論連連，导致妈声四起。同時，大小情況都延續「一切皆馬」原則與法律。他們時常忙著養馬，所以很多事情都沒空做，而且時常集體開會，討論著要怎樣繼續養馬，用什麼方法養馬，讓馬在馬拉屎國這小小的土地上更茁壯更肥大。如果遇見法律上的難題，馬國有一句神秘的通關咒語，對著馬國的「馬打」說“Ini untuk minum kopi.Boleh Settle Tak ？” 那高達九成九的事情都可以解決。 tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb3 ?% c! ^+ O7 L* y
[編輯] 地理馬拉屎國主要國土位於泰國之下，腥佳波之上，一個番薯形狀的半島。另外還有超过一半以上的國土位於番薯半島東部1000000公里外的一個狗頭狀島嶼，但也只是佔該島嶼的三分之一而已，而且由於太過遙遠，因此經常被馬拉屎國本土分錢时不小心忘掉導致現在高達九成的鄉民還住在樹上。

妓隆坡

聚集AV女優和阿窿的山坡，東南亞的AV女優和和阿窿(大耳窿)每年都會來這裏開會並做生意。

馬流假

讓馬流產並休假的旅遊景點(特別多鬼佬來觀賞馬流產的過程)

現任馬拉國大頭目的深情凝望公仔箱論壇" J7 V- w6 B% q) L4 V

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[編輯] 歷史相傳是鄭和當年七下西洋必經的站口。後來因為中國奴隸們的後代很多，導致不少中國人在那裡落地生根。後來，賣車輪的奴隸發現這地的物質充裕。故此派人駐守，然而因為實力問題，在19世紀的殖民地格鬥戰中敗給荷蘭。後來，荷蘭與英國在殖民地格鬥中荷蘭敗戰下。這地成了英國殖民地。其後，在第二次世界大戰更被東瀛女優國從泰國騎單車直接中出。戰後，買來人因不滿英國人把買來人便宜的從印度妮西鴨買來割香焦和做雞養鴨，施虐，踐踏等等會令人感到痛快之行為。故此進行獨立活動，要造反主人，將主人驅逐出去。 tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb# \: C. u( d' {, C; G& x
獨立活動期間，共殘主義對抗了東瀛女優國後，轉頭要驅趕英國人。英國人為了避免殖民地被共殘党搶走，便快手快腳的直接批准馬拉屎國的獨立要求，把對付共殘黨的責任推回給買來人。於是，1957年8月31日，馬拉族獨立代表冬菇阿毒辣蛮在馬拉國獨立操場大喊七七四十九聲 “摸迪卡(真正為「乜都假」)” ，象徵馬拉屎國終於可以沒有泰國人，因為泰國人喜歡說 “傻娃迪卡” 。同時，冬菇阿毒辣蛮也就任馬拉屎國第一任首相。而新加坡也因為被英國出賣的關係，頓時變成了馬拉屎國的附屬國，但後來馬屎的味道太重，新加坡的猩猩们終於受不了，没辦法之下只好跑去獨立，成為世界上唯一個只會看不起別人的「獅城」。
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馬拉國國歌5 _: X1 O0 x+ Z, [8 U6 N# P

TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。2 o& o* R  K# }# _

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自稱土猪的馬來豬族七成多，二等/三等公民華人二成，三等/四等黑皮一成，邊緣到不能在邊緣的真正土著有不到半成，剩下的不懂是什麼鬼的也不到半成，加起來差不多十成有得找。 os.tvboxnow.com; h- c# ?- Q1 X2 A: W5 {
[編輯] 國情馬拉國也可稱為共產國，土匪國，掠夺匪國，豬之國和鬼叫國 and 做爱几百国。稱為共產國的原因是馬拉國政府為了強制各族財富資源絕對平衡化，將大部份的稅收和資源分配必需優先的分給马豬族，基建也必需優先建給马豬人，其他種族就要慢慢等，等未必有! 土匪老大爽就分幾粒糖吃吃，不爽就賜個"一爹"ITIK "沙油"SAYUR "啊鸭母"AYAM。 0 D; o2 `) `3 `6 P$ ]; w+ z" D
稱為土匪國的原因是因為到處都是殺劫匪，空降匪，三萬匪，KOPI MATA，馬人華匪，強奸匪，掠奪匪，摩托匪，TOLL匪，C４匪，什么匪都有,大貪豬官，他們黑白兩道通吃，為非做歹，神出鬼末，無法無天，也會金蟬脫殼，可稱為馬拉國百變忍者。 5 z: a2 j3 d: B. w# I+ h, g8 k, u
也稱為豬之國，故名思意，就是豬族的國家啦，所以那些土著們也享有馬拉猪的榮譽。 # c+ I5 E5 b  f# B, K4 I6 V
為什麼稱為鬼叫國，因為這裏有一種被稱為鬼叫的文化，建居幾乎每幾平方公里都會有一個鬼叫營，每天都會發出五到七次不等的鬼叫聲，輕浮疊起，到處此起彼落鬼杀般的嚎叫，作用是為了要呼喚遙遠的鬼叫星，和鬼叫星的土匪王產生共鳴，另一個作用是為了提高自己的幻想能力，進而增強巫木。
还有我国大头目提倡的“玩”Malaysia
tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb7 ?5 {( P0 t4 I  i: W% A$ y
我的國家馬拉國就要邁進53歲了，這幾年馬拉國政府所累计的75项（大型的）疑似贪污﹑白象﹑豆腐工程﹑津贴﹑毁约赔钱﹑亏损及无聊的军购与太空的大計劃如 4 Y& w7 W1 I' t  J3 I! w
（1）Putra Mosque布特拉悔叫堂建筑费用：2.5亿大元
（2）Tuanku Zainal Abidin Mosque 建筑费用：2.08亿大元 6 f* Y+ r# y1 s: e1 K
（3）Putrajaya Convention Centre布特拉再也国际会议中心建筑费用：6亿大元 TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。0 h# `" {+ z' C$ w" y
（4）Bukit Jalil Sport Complex 建筑费用：8亿大元
（5）Sultan Mizan Zainal Abidin Stadium 建筑费用：2.7亿大元
（6）爸生港口自贸区Port Klang Free Zone 建筑费用：80亿大元
（7）Kuching Prison Sarawak Prison Department headquarters 古晋监狱建筑费用：2亿大元
（8）Crystal Mosque Islamic Civilisation Park 建筑成本：2.5亿大元公仔箱論壇% m+ X% R/ E, G9 [0 @: T( {
（9）KLIA妓窿波国际机场建筑成本：90亿大元
（10）蝎子型潜水艇购买成本：10亿大元
（11）18架苏凯战機换取“马拉屎鸭”名宇航员配套成本：34.2亿大元
（12）精明隧道smart tunnel 建筑成本：20亿大元 os.tvboxnow.com6 H& ^5 f- c( i- c! j
（13）Sepang F1 Circuit 造价：2.5亿大元
（14）Melaka Eye on Malaysia 租借价：0.23亿大元 ; _9 y- c/ j& F1 v( x6 |) E4 h
（15）Malaka International Airport 建筑成本：1.88亿大元
（16）Dewan Undangan Negeri Sarawak 建筑费用：2.97亿大元开幕典礼的费用：100万元/0.01亿元 tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb% f6 \6 D) w& x8 V* V6 L* j
（17）双峰塔KLCC 建筑费用：95亿大元 tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb( H; x7 N# L% e; f
（18）Shah Alam hospital fiasco 建筑费用：4.82亿大元 TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。' V% t/ M" P" ~% y
（19）拯救政府关联公司计划Bank Bumiputra 拯救数额：32亿大元公仔箱論壇% S. W9 s, F7 M8 x* W: x7 A
（20）拯救政府关联公司计划Maminco attempt to corner the world tin market in 1980’s 拯救数额：16亿大元公仔箱論壇9 q/ y0 W  U) M, @2 G
（21）拯救政府关联公司计划Betting in Foreign Exchange cost Bank Negara in 1990’s 拯救数额：300亿大元
（22）拯救政府关联公司计划Perwaja Steel resulted in losses 拯救数额：25.6亿大大大大元
（23）拯救政府关联公司计划Valuecap Sdn Bhd – operation to shore up stock market with public funds 拯救数额：100亿大元
（24）拯救政府关联公司计划Bank Islam banking scandal – losses 700 Million 亏损数额：7亿元
（25）拯救政府关联公司计划Sale of M.V. Agusta by Proton for One Euro 亏损数额：3.48亿大大元
（26）登夹楼石油开采回馈偿金Wang Ehsan from Trengganu Oil Royalty – 2004 -2007 亏损数额：74亿大元公仔箱論壇. {/ Q/ T* q+ _1 u8 C
（27）Petronas赞助的Philharmonic Orchestra – since it estabalished has swallowed 亏损数额：5亿大元
（28）政府英语教数理花费Teaching Maths and Science in English over the past five years 亏损数额：32亿大元 # ^9 \0 j8 p) _
（29）赔偿Gerbang Perdana取消“腥山”半弯桥计划Scenic Half-Bridge 1.3 Billion 花费：13亿大元 TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。7 j9 w8 d! x) S
（30）装修漏水的国会大厦花费：1亿大元
（31）拯救政府关联公司计划Soft Loan to PKFZ 4.63 Billion 花费：46.3亿大元
（32）2008大选弃用无法涂改的墨汁Indelible Ink – Election Commission 2.4 Million 花费：0.02亿大元
（33）2008年9个收费大道不涨价赔偿：3.8亿大元 os.tvboxnow.com3 I4 }" z$ K) M1 X& A' ~
（34）拯救政府关联公司计划Bailout of Malaysian Airlines System 7.9 Billion 花费：79亿大元
（35）Sultan Iskandar Complex Custom, Immigration and Quarantine Complex, Johor 建筑费用：13亿大元（P/S - 腥加坡 Woodland Checkpoint只用了6亿马拉币）
（36）雪州双文丹国际胡姬园（Serendah International Orchid Park）建筑费用：0.16亿元
（37）巴贡水坝，1994年开始，还没好。听说公司没有建筑水坝的经验，只有砍树的经验。有了工程做掩护，砍树就没有限制。建筑费用：150亿大元 tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb$ i  ~1 q8 [1 e( @) M6 Q
（38）世界最大的法庭Kuala Lumpur Courts Complex 建筑费用：2.9亿大元
（39）“马拉屎鸭”上海世博會展览馆建筑费用：0.2亿大元公仔箱論壇& C" Y: j4 A: ]( e7 k- g5 G6 J
（40）用来打油的大马卡解读器（现在取消了）第一阶段白花了：0.7亿大元 tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb- Y6 K( w9 B# [  @
（41）呐毒克拉末巴剎中心计划失败导致计划成本增加3846万建筑费用：0.38亿大元
（42）生霉菌的腥山班兰医院Pandan Hospital, Johor Bahru 建筑费用：5.6亿元
（43）Paya Indah Wetlands 费用：计划是MYR 10 Million，但是超支到68 Million，外加20 Million拯救，等於0.88亿元公仔箱論壇. X( s* Z$ K. J7 D' P$ l8 v- e4 W
（44）纱玉河Sungai Segget, Bandaraya Johor Bahru 清理费用（2005年）：600万大元清理费用（已经批准）：2亿大元 tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb4 C3 e' E! h: {# H; M% L& a$ Q
（45）肉佛新行政中心：Kota Iskandar 建筑费用：15亿大元
（46）国阵担心倒台加速搜刮国库滥用土地局27亿储存金费用：27亿大元 tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb0 \0 B5 X, M" H/ w4 `
（47）Borneo Convention Centre Kuching 建筑费用：2亿大元 tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb7 \, m4 r$ I, I4 p* q) f9 E1 W! y
（48）适耕庄20.5公里马路9259万元建筑费用：0.93亿大元公仔箱論壇8 Q$ r  r# u$ q1 H, F. O
（49）Sarawak International Medical Centre, Kuching 建筑费用：4亿大元公仔箱論壇7 }; I% I3 H+ t1 I+ I3 |
（50）添加六艘巡逻舰from PSC Naval Dockyard Sdn Bhd 款项：67.5亿元
（51）丁加奴Batu Burok Aquatic Complex 建筑费用：0.18亿大元公仔箱論壇3 t, e' i: \$ m# `
（52）丁加奴Taman Tamadun Islam 建筑费用：2.49亿大元
（53）英雄银行在1985年和1986年亏损6亿7000万元亏损数额：6.7亿大元
（54）马邮政公司在航空货运公司金鹏的投资失利亏损数额：2.27亿大元公仔箱論壇, V2 b  V7 l" l
（55）“马拉屎鸭”银行以高价收购淫尼及爸基屎坦银行而注销亏损20亿元亏损数额：20亿大元 ( V$ j& w& T& m& @" Q( p5 v  U
（56）登夹楼国际“季风杯”帆船赛Monsoon Cup 花费成本：每年3亿大元，2006年至今共至少9亿大元
（57）万挠至愚保的双轨火车计划建筑成本：57.7亿大元 tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb; Y! c9 ?  b+ V1 u! j% Z
（58）傻爸撒布路——卡拉巴拉肯（Sapulut-Kalabakan）道路（碎石路）建筑成本：5.65亿大元
（59）登嘉楼7792万599元20分建SMK KUALA JENEDERIS的200人宿舍（等于每人38万5000元）建筑费：0.78亿大元 . \7 N1 r. y% }2 W; E
（60）2011新国家皇宫建筑费用：8亿大元公仔箱論壇* U$ ?6 g/ [$ O" P. Q* ?# p
（61）Masjid Willayah Persekutuan Kuala Lumpur 建筑费用：2.55亿大元 tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb( g6 k. ?  o% c3 g+ }: c! m/ ~
（62）Istana Melawati, Putrajaya 建筑费用：0.9亿元 & I. l4 e8 P, V! y
（63）Kuala Kedah Marina, Kedah 建筑费用：0.23亿元公仔箱論壇" b5 F. |% S1 l0 o" q
（64）妓窿波大使路外贸大厦原本估计耗资1亿6700万元的外贸大厦，最终必须耗费2亿8751万元才完成。这比原本的建筑费增加了70%，相等于1亿2000万元。工程更延迟了9年才竣工。建筑费用：2.87亿元
（65）国防部砸67亿购两架鲉鱼潜艇购买费用：67亿元 TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。3 w" q) Q8 t$ U8 t. b0 g
（66）傻亚南医院苏丹胞妹公司干捞7723万元数额：0.77亿元
（67）森州大臣涉嫌非法汇款1000万元到英国数额：0.10亿元
（68）屎污补选8天狂撒3772万拨款数额：0.38亿元
（69）翻新国会大厦9000万元但還是Bocor lagi 数额：0.90亿元
（70）土发局储存金猛挫27亿3000万元数额：27.3亿元公仔箱論壇/ K& _- i) }5 A3 r
（71）交通部买38套火车19亿贵过西班牙数额：19亿元
（72）国防部8亿7706万元购买70枚潜水艇导弹及鱼雷数额：8亿7706万元 TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。: [" y' a2 u* u9 _
（73）马西拉屎鸭邮政公司亏损逾五亿数额：5亿元 os.tvboxnow.com8 D. L$ d6 d1 {9 y! w
（74）爸生港务局代替爸生港口自贸区总承包商Kuala Dimensi买单10亿欠款数额：10亿元
（75）交通部耗资19亿元向中国购买38套6节车厢的电动火车，多付了近5亿元数额：19亿元公仔箱論壇( B% _8 ?  ?3 I( c; T
谢谢，一共是'1636亿'大大大大大大大大大大大大大大大大大大大大大大大大大元
== os.tvboxnow.com" b! h) f0 u* f! @0 p3 e
[編輯] 代表物大貓、CIJAKMAN、奸人老馬、阿丹杜雅、馬人華、米那華、阿 PENG、阿聾、阿 SENG、笨蛋傻瓜(Proton Saga)、兩條大JAGUNG、大洋蔥、WINDOW C４ME。那級[騷相], DOTArd, MAPLErd....
最最最具代表性的代表物就是馬拉屎的勤勞兼爱心满满兼亲切有礼兼和蔼可亲,无所不在的馬打, 他們最喜歡在交通繁忙時間擺路檔,一輛車一輛車的來問要不要幫忙. 報警時他們為了確保人民的安全會先向報案者確認匪徒有沒有攻擊性武器與及撤走了沒,根據這些情報馬打到現場的時間也會有所不同(通常越危險越遲來) 無論是那個種族的新年,他們都會風雨不改的在天橋底,拐彎處,小巷擺檔巡邏維持治安並且賺取家用及供大车大屋兼养四个老婆,拿了家用還會亲切有礼的和人說TATA. 还有就是百万公务员废材大军。 : i2 j5 e& t& v2 |  Y2 q" x% {
[編輯] 著名靈異事件消失的飛機引擎,不震而倒的體育館,反貪局十四樓通往天國的窗戶（不是跳楼自杀而被他妈的反贪局说是自杀的赵明福）,潜不了水的潜艇，消失的偵探,吃錢的青蛙,菜CD,能捏死自己再跳楼的律师,会自爆的蒙古女人.半百老人鸡奸案
[編輯] 代表句子

懶叫
幹尼nia
激败
malaysia boleh
看起來像我，聽起來像我、可是不是我。
你不喜欢,你可以滚回中國
回中國的機票現在很便宜，你買了沒有？
marehsia BOLEH！
ISA（反煽动法令） - Ikut Suka Aku (随心所欲)
u angkat keris 3 kali, bila you nakkk tikaaammmm!!!
puki lar boss, lu punya teh tarik bila nak sampai?
macam mana settle?
walaoeh
kamu semua ni, babi! bangang! bodoh!
。。。。。。 / 任何你想到的东西
我們是很同情ming hock的~
中人來做雞,黑皮人來做奴隸~from:馬落屎國大官員~
看到蛇跟黑皮,先打黑皮~
cina balik china
Selamat Datang ke Malashita 歡淫來到馬拉國
Jom! Apple?
山猪马癞虾

[編輯] 地理馬拉屎國位於靠近赤道地理區熱帶國家，有大量的熱帶雨林，氣候炎熱，但雲雨均衡分部。馬拉屎國分東西兩陸，西馬是典型的外陸圍山型，內部由大汗山為主幹形起的群山成了中部的山脈，而外環多為平地面海。而東馬的地理山脈群主要位於沙拉越的偏下，會有些散區，但主心柚還是能夠顯而易見的。
由於人禍常年來的影響所型成的無限度無系統的環境污染和破壞，這促使了環境的地層問題的急速惡化和敏感化，一夕一時的豪雨也可能形成了嚴重的水災、土崩和洪水泛濫。
悄悄的告訴你們，馬拉屎國的人均污染排放量指數比全球排放大國的老美還要高，比數零點七對零點五，好在馬拉屎國只是個小國，不然就給國際罵死了。 , o; i) f& ]% v& v2 ~
大家不禁的要問，為什麼馬拉屎國人均排放量指數會這麼高呢？其實很簡單，你只要得空架輛車和做飛機到KL兜兜，看看天空的雲，再看看公路，再看看現在的馬拉仔你就会知道了。TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。* |: V0 E5 G7 }/ z; R
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civicboy1969

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这是著名的恶搞网站转载回来

你认真，你就输咯

發貼是一種責任看貼是一種享受回帖是一種支持

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yxx01

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人必自辱而后人辱之，os.tvboxnow.com* c! T% ^3 |5 \, K. h, \! ~+ t
人在做，天在看，不要以为做了什么没人知道。。。公仔箱論壇( p* S! Z7 u; B0 R& n8 x4 u2 b
不过写这个网站的也太有才了

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只有了解国情的人才写的出来。。; Y& d$ I# Q: S2 C0 u
恶搞到来句句实言,又够压韵,厉害厉害!tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb& o' E, x# r0 M$ h" }
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lol

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超强～！！！本地人肯定笑～

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好！写得好！！写得真透彻！大马人民，53年了，你还相信他们还会改变吗？别傻了！

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ya,good job.....like.

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本帖最後由 civicboy1969 於 2010-12-31 03:35 PM 編輯

Malaysia

“Nigga stole my flag!”~ The United States of America on Malaysia
% A# {* u" Q) M/ C3 j7 Jos.tvboxnow.com
Essentially the wang of Asia, which is located to the north of their cousins who live on an even smaller island Singapore, Malaysia (also known as Bolehland) is a young nation of diverse cultures and races such as F1 Formula-1 and Nascar. The timezone of Malaysia is unique because it follows the system of +1/+2 PMT (Predetermined Meeting Time) which is 1 or 2 hours later than PMT. Most foreigners have difficulty adjusting to this new timezone as they tend to show up 1 or 2 hours earlier than their local counterparts. The nation is moving forward with a vision towards becoming a developed nation by the year 2020, 3030, 4040 or whatever catchy number. os.tvboxnow.com6 c* u) v+ S/ u' f  d
Malaysia is made up of 13 states namely Selengor, Kedoh, Police,Thengganew, Kelentoh, Berak, Pening, Sembilan, Malacrap Johor Balu (just north of Singkaypoh), Sabah, Sarawek (which are essentially Malaysia's eastern colonies). The three federal territories Kuala Apek, PuteraUmno and Lawak don't count as states since they're too small, like Canada. Another common state that Malaysians have is denial (no lah, where got?), which incidentally, is a river in Egypt.
: [: K" @  ?3 ?2 c8 [0 l) U
Contents [[url=]hide[/url]]公仔箱論壇6 B2 J4 t* ?! `5 j+ v$ h) a) W; g

1 1Malaysia
2 History of Malaysia
3 Language : Rojak
3.1 Useful and Common Phrases
4 Ethnic composition
5 National Culture
6 Malaysian Economy
7 Food and Popular Attractions in Malaysia
8 Wonders of Malaysia
9 The Malaysian National Service (PLKN)
10 Smatijoves
11 Transportation In Malaysia
11.1 Highways and Lowways (and their friggin' tolls all the way)
11.2 Jam Industry
11.3 Accidents
12 Politics of Malaysia
13 Winning elections in Malaysia
14 Religions in Malaysia
14.1 The Allah Dilemma
15 Education of Malaysia
15.1 SPM
15.2 Language Dillema
16 Corruption in Malaysia
16.1 Free Online Tips & Techniques
16.2 Lagu Duit Kopi (Malaysia Coffee-Money Song)
17 Anti-Corruption
18 Malaysia's Space Tourism Programme
19 Entertainment in Malaysia
19.1 Local TV Shows
19.2 Asstro
19.3 Real Live Entertaiment
20 Products Manufactured in Malaysia
21 Telecommunications in Malaysia
21.1 Favorite quotes of the Customer Service representative at TMwait Slowmyx / TMnerd Shitmyx
21.2 How many TMnutters/TMwaiters it takes to change a light bulb ?
22 Intellectual Jobs in Malaysia
23 Drugs
24 Street Rallies and Protests
25 The UnBiased Government of Malaysia
26 Street Rallies and Protests
27 Malaysian Celebrities
28 Tengok, Jangan Tak Tengok
Edit  1Malaysia The latest national motto, coined by incumbent (read: incompetent) Prime Minister Najil "Mongolia" Razak is '1Malaysia', which is actually stolen from One Israel. (apa lah Najib, mau tiru pun tiru orang yahudi mia, mampui la kalau macam ni). Elaborating, Najis defined One Malaysia as in One Malay-sia, or simply, Malaysia with only a homogenous race of UMNO-loving Malays, which can also be explained elegantly with the slogan '3Races, 2Allah, 1Malaysia". Whereby 3 races fight over the Muslim vs Catholic issue of Allah in 1Malaysia Land. Malaysia Boleh.TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。4 C: e/ J, a$ [& I
The first and primary principle of 1Malaysia is, "if thou art not Malay, please get the sorry out". Upholding that principle, a mass deportation of Chinese and Indians back to their home countries is currently in effect. Those refusing to return to China or India have been reportedly sent to dungeons deep inside Najis' evil lair for torture, brainwashing and sodomy sessions with Anwar. tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb# N- N4 A, B3 m  D/ [
Tons of hilarious One-slogan variations have popped up recently, ranging from 1Toilet to 1Rempit, however satirical they may seem, these are real life 1Barisan projects, designed solely with the rakyat's well-being in mind, ya, really. 1Toilet aspires to abolish the gender binary and separation of female &　male toilets, encouraging more [Insert Race Here] to engage in kinky toilet sex and erotic tranny cross-dressing culture.os.tvboxnow.com, U& w. Q% z& m6 N

0 P- |' z+ X. K( mos.tvboxnow.comtvb now,tvbnow,bttvb* J5 ?. h% ~% G0 _8 o. ~3 c
tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb3 `$ _4 p* v" y! }! n5 o' [, o
مليسيا/ H- f- K4 ]% K# l6 w% m6 b
Islamic Soviet Union of Malaysia . e4 R3 W6 G+ B0 l1 c  Z3 r. ?
Bodohland (Flag)(Coat of Arms)Motto: BALIK CINA DAN INDIA!!11!!!1Anthem: Negarakuku by namewee, Ala CanggungCapitalAfrica Previous capital Great BritainLargest cityCity Inshah(sucks banana)Official languagesUnintelligible rojak of Malay, English and ChineseGovernmentFascist| Dictatorship Paramount Ruler
- Prime Minister
- Head Of State os.tvboxnow.com7 E& e3 E. ]( t! @4 Z5 u
- President Mussolini
& m2 r5 C6 |; S; m' l; zNajis Tong Rosak : }2 F8 I/ I" l
Mad-hathir Moha-mad ' G2 W% J! Z1 W: P
Anuar I-Bra-Him National Crap Kereta Potong, Beruk-tua, KiaNasa Major exports Durian, Jihad Terrorist, Quran, Moral Textbooks, Pirated VCD & DVD, Smatijoves, Pork, Water, Sewage (to Sinkaypoh), Cooking Oil, Condoms, Hand gloves, Belacan, Nasi Lemak National Icon 1Toilet, KLCC, Tolls, Duit Kopi, Excellent Taxi Service, Dirty Roads, Polluted River and Beach, Vandalism, Snatch Theft, Uneducated Leaders and Dirty Toilets.National Hero(es)Mawi. Mat Rempit, Kerisman, Cicakman, Orang Utan, Ah Seng, Ah Long, Ah Beng, Mamak, Macha, Gay 'Astronut'Declaration
; w4 C1 M9 O+ p' j+ @6 Yof Independence If it's a Malay problem, it's a national problem; If it's a Chinese problem, it's a racial problem; If it's an Indian problem, it's not a problem.CurrencyRing-ItReligionI-Slam, Rempitism, Rasuahism, Awek-Melayu-Bogelism , Mawi, Racism, Fascism Population 26 million citizens and 1.5 billion illegal immigrants. P* j0 E& [3 o8 V

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本帖最後由 civicboy1969 於 2010-12-31 03:37 PM 編輯 0 p9 g& T q9 p! }7 e

1Malaysia The latest national motto, coined by incumbent (read: incompetent) Prime Minister Najib "Mongolia" Razak is '1Malaysia', which is actually stolen from One Israel. (apa lah Najib, mau tiru pun tiru orang yahudi mia, mampui la kalau macam ni). Elaborating, Najis defined One Malaysia as in One Malay-sia, or simply, Malaysia with only a homogenous race of UMNO-loving Malays, which can also be explained elegantly with the slogan '3Races, 2Allah, 1Malaysia". Whereby 3 races fight over the Muslim vs Catholic issue of Allah in 1Malaysia Land. Malaysia Boleh.公仔箱論壇& H1 W% |5 G) z* R4 V; ?4 L6 }+ K
The first and primary principle of 1Malaysia is, "if thou art not Malay, please get the sorry out". Upholding that principle, a mass deportation of Chinese and Indians back to their home countries is currently in effect. Those refusing to return to China or India have been reportedly sent to dungeons deep inside Najis' evil lair for torture, brainwashing and sodomy sessions with Anwar.
Tons of hilarious One-slogan variations have popped up recently, ranging from 1Toilet to 1Rempit, however satirical they may seem, these are real life 1Barisan projects, designed solely with the rakyat's well-being in mind, ya, really. 1Toilet aspires to abolish the gender binary and separation of female &　male toilets, encouraging more [Insert Race Here] to engage in kinky toilet sex and erotic tranny cross-dressing culture.

Edit History of MalaysiaMain article: History of Malaysiaos.tvboxnow.com( z; r( Z6 G! B" N$ W: V; j

Edit Language : RojakThe official and most widely spoken language of Malaysians is Rojak Language, also known as Bahasa Rojak. Rojak language often regarded as the World's 2nd International Language by experts for its diversity and uniqueness by combining various languages. It consists of Malay, Chinese, Tamil, English, Japanese, Spanish, French, Hokkien, Thai, Elven, Orc, Pokemon, Digimon, Mars, Venus, and many more. With that, everyone can communicate without the need to know more than 1 language. This is very useful in foreign nations as messages can be conveyed effectively using only Rojak. Rojak is also the simplest language ever constructed, just follow the following rules.8 w- } `8 U6 C! y( ^8 u- g& ]' T

No Sweat Lah!

Law:tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb C: s; j" ?% R4 B

Add "Lah" in the end of every sentence. Bob your head when doing that.
Use "maybe", "can", "dunno" extensively.
Each sentence must consist of more than 3 dialects/languages.
If you dont know what to do next just say "OK" and nod your head.

+ n) W5 k' T3 d- P2 y6 ^5 Y. K
Sentence Examples: os.tvboxnow.com( B9 x. R; U( F" k8 z+ f- k) b7 O

"I wan eat Coke."
"All your base are belong to us lah brother"
"Orang tu kawaii lai de"
White person:"What is your soup of the day?"Malaysian:OK.

Edit Useful and Common Phrases

Hello/Hi - WASSUP BRUDDER LONG TIEM NU SEE
GoodBye - Aiyah no time talk liao baibai
Where's the toilet? - Oi kawan, where jamban?
Let's have sex - I wan rape you can ah?
Are you a hooker? - Satu malam berapa?
Why did you kill my cow? - BODOH! Ay Fookin ke you Lemak!
I will have your daughter's hand in marriage. - Tandas! Tandas! Tandas!
One Cheeseburger and a large coke - Oi TAUKEH, burger and cola kasi satu!

Edit Ethnic composition Population structure of Malaysia in 2009 are: Malays (60%), Chinese (23%), Indians (10%), Orang Asli (5%), Caucasians (1%). The rest are Pakistanis, Burmese, Nepalese, Indonesians, Arabs and some Aliens and rapists. Black people are not welcomed. Being black in Malaysia carries a mandatory death penalty and every black entering the country will get arrested and hanged within 3 hours. os.tvboxnow.com! I8 e7 u/ |3 z% G# \
Ibans are so technologically advanced race that they stay deep inside the jungle. They gave name to IBAN number in banking (Iban number is the number of Iban workers working in a bank). Malaysians do not speak of Ibans anymore because have changed they name from Iban to Kelabit (pronounced Club IT). This is to show their devotion the technology. ! h" W/ N/ N. S/ G) o3 f7 ^+ M
Kadazans/Dusuns consisting only 3% of total population are slowly being known to have great talents with participations in more than half of available reality tv singing competitions. They however will never get any record deals and continue performing in low-paying cultural shows.
Hypocrisy is the most important part of national culture and any person who is not a hypocrite is labeled as terrorists. Terrorists supposedly make up 2% of country's population, although their existence has yet to be confirmed.os.tvboxnow.com: V# S2 O' Q7 U1 h, `$ T; d
Ethnicity is such a big issue in Bolehland that it is the only countries is the world that require information about your "race" when you sit for a national exam. The Minister of Education of course denies any favouring towards the Malays but everyone knows that if you are non-Malay, the job of marking your paper will be outsourced to another country, usually Zaire, Chile, Guatemala, Imaginationland, and Krakozhia(The place where Tom Hanks came from in the movie "The Terminal").
Still, the Malays are generous enough to do extra badly in the exams and thus end up with marks lower than the Chinese or Indians. However, most Malays regret neglecting their education and not being able to make good money and so they usually take on jobs that allow them to feel the money in their hands for a little while. Examples are toll booth attendants, fast food restaurant cashiers, and those people that sit in front of public toilets to collect 20 cents per toilet entry, plus another 20 cents for toilet paper.

Edit National CultureMain article: Culture of Malaysia! F) M Q& L4 ~/ Z; g% F% t

Edit Malaysian EconomyMalaysia exports a lot of rubber to countries around the world. All thanks to the hard work of the heroic rubber tappers summoning up courage to face the occasional 'pontianak' or 'momok' frights as well as countless attacks from cobras, Polar Bears and Hamsters.
Another source of income is from pirates. There are usually two types of pirates in Malaysia: "Yarrr ye mateys! Get 'dem DVDs out an sell'em befere those darned police send us and our jolly ship ta' Davy Jones Locker! Arrrr!", or "Avast there! Thar she bee... a fyne ship from Hong Kong laden wit sweet Sony DVD players! Board her and seize tha booty! Start thee Yamaha engines and load thee canons, ya scurvy mongrels! Yarrr!"
The main Malaysian export is brains which is sourced from today's brightest minds of Malaysian youth. Brains are exported to countries such as UK, the US and Australia through institutions called private colleges. This is a serious problem for Bolehland because while this ensures that Malaysia would be free of the undeserving immigrant Chinese, it also makes Malaysian graduates more stupid in average. Studies show that by the year 2019, Malaysian graduates will be unable to differentiate between their left and right hand. - O: W4 S5 b0 }$ _
The main Malaysian import is China porn, which has high demand by Malaysian buyers in pasar malams. The local porn market has seen increased production in recent years, with titles such as 'Couple muda buat di tandas', 'Seks panas tepi pantai', 'Datuk rogol anak perempuan' frequently on sale at various pasar malams.

Edit Food and Popular Attractions in Malaysia

The fact that the north and south poles are melting does not concern Malaysia since it's located at the equator and although half the people are smart enough to actually realize that they'd never see snow, some of them still tend to dress up with thick coats covering up their heads or body.tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb: u! C6 [* U0 K$ F8 q2 Z) o
Indian or Mamak food is famous throughout west Malaysia. When placing an order, customers must remember to reverse the words. Ice Tea is known as 'Teh Ais', if u were to say 'Ais Teh' the waiters will not be able to tell what you're trying to say thus they hold small meetings and signals to begin guessing the customers requests. When ordering the local favourite drink - a mixture of Horlicks, Milo, Coffee and Tea, just ask for 'LickMyKoTeh'. Do remember that since Malaysia is a sorrying hot place, most people prefer to dine out in open space, as the mamaks will of course place chairs and tables on outside their shops. This gives an extra good excuse for the local municipal officers to take bribes during raids because of traffic congestion, and very good practice for those who haven't experienced real life carmageddon.
Another widespread culture would be that the food must be halal (NO PORK) or else the Malays will not eat it or use any plates served with it. They will act all pissed off and demand that you pray to Allah 52 times for forgiveness, but after dining, going home to rape their daughters is okay.
Among the few famous Attractions of Malaysia would be the Nasi Lemak which consists of white rice which is supposed to be cook with Lemak(Fat, from dried coconut fruit meat, but not anymore due to unknown reasons), chicken and a local sauce which is made by grinding the clitorides of goats and have them boiled overnight and adding some cheap shells from rotten seafood(Caution: Highly flammable, mild skin irritant, do not use near fire or flame, keep out the reach of children). This delicacy helps stimulate your tongue muscle as u savor its spicy and tangible flavor. Nasi Lemak is also consumed as an aphrodisiac and substitute for Viagra, eating Nasi Lemak before sex gurantees a non-stop errection for 8 hours.
Another yet so called famous spot for tourists would be the islands where people around the world flock just to see a few turtles crawling on the beach half dead after swimming through the polluted seas. The tourists like pretending they've never actually seen turtles before.os.tvboxnow.com0 M; f7 Y. F8 F8 R* K B( n2 `2 F
Barbarism is also a favorite activity where the locals rob and murder foreign tourists. It is a must for tourist in malaysia to carry weapons because the locals tend to practice their rape culture on foreigners to welcome them. They are essential especially when they are surrounded by transexual hobos off P.Ramlee road.; v5 g; T$ E# {# y
Tourists will be amazed by many of Malaysia's outstanding world class buildings and services. Such as KLCC the tallest vacant building, KL Tower, the tallest concrete lollipop (some say circumcised concrete penis), KLIA the most beautiful Japanese airport, KTM the slowest train service, Smart-ASS tunnels that supply Kuala Lumpur with floods of water (literaly) and E-Village, the Hollywood of Malaysia (cancelled).公仔箱論壇, @% E1 }: d+ S5 k+ W+ l$ n

Edit Wonders of Malaysia1. The Happy Penis Palace: Known in Malay as Istana Zakaria. The only building built with no approval and unpaid assessment fees that is not demolished and sealed. The owner is the first bankrupt to be able to own a palace.os.tvboxnow.com" [% P" ?; Z U$ _8 b& F
2. The 'Bocor' Parliament: The unique feature is its ability to ‘leak’ away billions of taxpayers money while the guardians of the nation stood there all wet.
3. The 'Unhaunted' Kuching Prison: The only $600M prison in this world that is free of haunted stories and encounters. Reasons: No execution was done here before. In fact no prisoners were held in here. There are also no concrete walls with barbed wires to contain souls - both dead and alive. Maybe it can qualify as the first imaginary prison built with real money." m% @, Y* O6 ]; @; L4 @4 P
4. Paya Indah 'Wasted' Wetlands: The nation’s premier eco-tourism park holds the record in the category of attracting more lawyers with litigation than tourists with binoculars.TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。6 i' `. D8 P; k% H
5. STUPID Tunnel: Uniquely design to alleviate floods. When completed, it does everything except alleviate floods.
6. ‘Disconnected' Cyberjaya: The one and only high tech city in the world that offers limited or no internet connection to its residents.
7. Crooked 'Crooked' Bridge: The most crooked bridge in the world dreamt by the most crooked person in the world. Too bad it was abandoned; otherwise it will make it as one of the wonders.
8. Istana Khir Toyo: Discovered in mid-2009, instantly became a cultural and historical landmark, being the first RM24-Million palace to be built on a Dentist/Menteri Besar's salary and a RM3.5 million loan from HSBC bank. Amenities include swimming pools, jacuzzis and 16 bedrooms for BN sex parties.

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The Happy Penis Palace

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The 'Bocor' Parliament

TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。4 _7 b7 W, k1 ]7 _* N
TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。7 Z9 H1 M/ p: L1 W+ X
The 'Unhaunted' Kuching Prison+ F! k# @. g) e6 x& g/ o9 W( [
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Paya Indah 'Wasted' WetlandsTVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。 i, f' K. ?0 P& ^9 g z' o

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STUPID Tunnel o' D8 L3 q0 d7 S5 g. l! r

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‘Disconnected' Cyberjayaos.tvboxnow.com1 k; Y6 @* x1 u3 ~1 U
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Crooked 'Crooked' Bridgetvb now,tvbnow,bttvb- }7 _& Q0 {! _ c8 u

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Khir Toyo's Palace

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本帖最後由 civicboy1969 於 2010-12-31 03:40 PM 編輯

The Malaysian National Service (PLKN)

Gay Education Module.
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Malaysia is the only country with its own style of National Service which is not base on military conscripting. Yet, there are at least 1 death every year due to this program. Malaysia Boleh. TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。: p; b! a. D% `/ E c5 D
PLKN is military training and sex education in a single package. Each year there is at least one person who got his cherry popped (anally violated to be exact). During the course the trainer will often rape the trainee or vice versa. The males are always the victim - why the girls are somehow spared is unknown.
The Malaysian National Service has been arranged into several modules:TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。, ^! t- W- e! J; U5 y$ s2 U, n

Physical Module: Produce military teams to invade another country. 1st target Communist Singapore, then Indonesia, and finally the evil USA. Malaysians are trained to use the keris (traditional Malay knife used for carving bananas) in combat. C4 detonating course is personally supervised by Najib.
Character Building Module: Build up character to cheat tourists, bribe people, snatch handbags, Mat Rempit, spit on the floor, lead UMNO, etc...
Gay Education Module: Malaysia's attempt to halt the raping and turn it into a formal training session. This only applies to male dorm when it is night time. The only activity they can do is Gay Party!
Lesbian Education Module: Similar program as above but for the girls.
Community Service Module: Where the trainees are treated as slaves for cleaning sewage, moving large concrete to a construction site, pushing stones, burn rubbish, campaign for UMNO and loiter around the village showing off their uniforms.
Suicide Bombing Module: Cancelled due to lack of volunteers from non-Muslim trainees.

Edit SmatijovesFor the big one with all the pretty little paragraphs, see Smatijove. Tourists who actually want to travel to Malaysia must prepare themselves for the evil cult tradition known as smatijoves. Everyone must eat one at 11 o clock every 12 hours or otherwise the demon entity Smataja will invade their household and rape and kill the rest of their family.
Smatijoves were the cause of the infamous Bread War with America in the 80s. Many lives were lost, and the smatijoves in question were banned across the world (except in the Netherlands). This caused an uprising of smatijove terrorists and extremists that still grow in number today.
Captain Nail Rockfist, American veteran of the Bread War said "It was total carnage. The enemy to the left, my buddies to my right all bombed by smatijove warriors. My best soldier, Private Wimpy Kershaw, was found dead in a pool of his own stagnant blood. Well we thought it was blood but it turned out to be blackcurrant jam again which infuriated me. Still, it was rather tasty. Fancy a jar?" In contrast, Former enemy soldier and smatijove campaigner Warrick Rocking Bling of the Malaysian army said "DIE! DIE!!! KILL ALL THE UNBELIEVERS! SMATAJA WILL RISE AND TAKE YOU TO ALL! YOU'LL BE SORRY! HAIL SMATAJA! WE LOVE HIM! YOAOAOAOAOOOOO!!!"os.tvboxnow.com9 H( l2 s( v! K6 H
If you ask me, they're all nutjobs. The next Bread War will take place in London, 2012 to 2016 and the third one will happen round about 2063 three years prior to the creation of the BFG.% E8 S. @4 x3 T$ r# Q) X

Edit Transportation In Malaysia

Note: When parking your car, please make sure you can block the entire street.

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The best way to get around Malaysia is by car. This is because the petrol is dirt cheap. Car in Malaysia is the cheapest in the entire universe. Even the Sing-gay-poh-rian have to drive all the way north to JB just to refill their tank for half the price compared to their own minute country. This proves that Malaysians are rich and not poor unlike what the Western Media says. Chinese Malaysians will spend insane amounts of money to buy numbers like 1,5,7,8,9, and the letter C for their license plates and the recent most expensive car plate number starting with TAN XXXX cost RM200,000 (Yes, five zeros behind im not kidding but RM200,000 is worth USD 0.01). This brings good fart and protection from God when doing stunts like following a petrol tanker at 0.005463 meters and at 80kmh, driving at the speed of light, and overtaking dangerously. If accident happens, it means you didn't have enough number 8 on your license plate... so bad luck for you, lor! , Z" R3 K. {9 R9 s8 ?7 s; G. C8 a
If you want to take a bus, you must go to the central bus terminal in Kotor Raya. There is also a monorail available in KL, but it only goes from the mall to public restroom.

Edit Highways and Lowways (and their friggin' tolls all the way)Mr. Semi Value (who is supposed to be in Lunas but nowhere to be seen there, strange) is the one contributing to all the tolls around the tapioca-shaped country. All he needs to do is just say "We need tolls. Lots of them." and SWISH, tolls will pop up like toadstools (not mushrooms, because they were all kidnapped to some game with some lunatic plumber in it; who is actually Josef Stalin in disguise) after the bloody monsoon rain. Mr. Samy(an apprentice of Donald Trump-the hair oh the hair!!!) is now officially worshipped as The Satu, with his temple built in Lunas (as expected) in order to commemorate his efforts to conquer the Highway Maytricks, but he's still nowhere to be seen in Lunas. And strangely enough, ANY kind of road is suitable to become a Highway, including those roads that are nicknamed 'Ulu-Ulu Road' (though it's much more suitable to be called a Lowway but crap, this is Malaysia and Malaysia Boleh!). A road made for cows to walk on will suddenly become a highway within a day, and there will be tolls every 5 KM on it for some apparent reason left for everyone not stupid enough to figure it out. It is widely believed that Malaysian highways will improve significantly, as soon as someone figures out a way to keep Singaporeans from crossing the border and acting like they are in the Monaco Gran Prix.公仔箱論壇7 A7 _2 v6 [. p5 {
Mr. Semi is also well known for his creation of a recent landmark in Malaysia - specially cracked MRR 2 bridge in Kepong. Local tourism soared since then, tourists from all over the world drop by to admire at our engineering at its best - how to design a cracked bridge that everyday commuters can use unsuspectingly and this is very good news in conjunction with Visit Malaysia Year 2007. Which is why Malaysians are encouraged to pay more tolls to sustain this development with the recent 700% increment in toll rates. This also sparks a new era for Malaysian construction industry, they can now replace conventional dull and unattractive concrete with the one with cracks all over to make it not so eye sore. This saves costs for the taukehs and datuks and their extra duit kopi can now be spent on their new BMWs (Be My Whores) or bungalows that will show Malaysia is just like a first world country.
Vehicle purchasing schemes are super-flexible in Malaysia. You can purchase a vehicle and opt for no signal lights, fixed high beam headlight, no wiper, reconditioned lorry horn unit for optimum performance and few others. Schemes are revised yearly by Proton and Pro-Duck, the two national car bakers, to suit market demand. Failure to use blinkers and sudden lane change when driving is not an offense. Pedestrian failing to see oncoming vehicle and getting hit can be charged in court.os.tvboxnow.com. ^# u" d' R+ y/ U, y7 e8 m: f Z

Edit Jam IndustryOne of Malaysia's famous side-products is the traffic-flavored jam. Thanks to the local government who molded roads in strange various ways, it is deemed common to find the production of this uniquely-flavored jam at any part of this monkey half-island, and normally between the twin peak hours of morning and evening (which is determined by the position and angle of the Twin Peak Towers on the surface of Earth against the Moon and the Sun and the whole universe whaddaheck). Unfortunately the government wasn't genius enough to think of the idea of exporting this kind of jam, because the only market they'd thought of is the local market. The phrase 'stuck in a jam' normally refers to the local people who enjoyed bathing in the jam and honking all around to exclaim how tasty the traffic-flavored jam is. Surveys report that quite a number of tourists enjoyed this jam more than the Durian (which was actually the main material to make stinkbombs used during the Holy Party Wars and the upcoming Neighborhood Wars), in which they will go around expressing their delight with 'heart-felt swearing'. Despite its growing popularity, it remains second best behind the controversial Blackcurrant concoction used to make smatijoves. Oh well, that's all you can really say about them anyway. walaoehtvb now,tvbnow,bttvb7 q; r5 ~9 _7 f0 G( ^( y- Q

Edit AccidentsIf you happen to see a car hit a motorcycle, quickly stop your car and stand there to watch to see whether the biker died or still alive. Make sure you join the crowd, watch and talk nonesense as if you care and willing to help. Don't call an ambulance - they won't arrive in time and besides it's not that you really care. 2 P! o: }6 M1 n: h
Those who won't stop their cars can always slow down and irritate the rest of the drivers behind you. You may stare at the dying victims and say "Waaa nowadays very dangerous, drivers are so careless..." and then drive away with no sense of sympathy whatsoever. You MUST do this, otherwise you are not Malaysian. ) F' s8 ? u$ Z( @/ k" b& o) W, a
Last but not least make sure you copy down the number plates for 4D - the more serious the accident the better. The best number is from a car who hit a pig and crashed into a muddy hole filled with angry crocodiles and exploded killing a masjid imam nearby. This ensures 100% win in a lottery.

Edit Politics of Malaysia

your loyal guard dog (not)

In Malaysia, politician groups are known as parties. This is because they love to party all day and night while ignoring their responsibility in attending parliamentary meetings. They think it is easier to brainstorm for solutions to develop the country suck more taxpayer's money while they are outdoors drinking beer, dancing to dangdut and sorrying 'anak burung'... burung apa??? burung murai... burung apa??? burung murai... burung apa??? burung murai... in Damansara, than just sitting still for hours in the boring Parliament staring at the Agong's face.tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb w1 N" S' x3 [- j
Malaysians have a responsibility when the election comes. In a nutshell all they have to do can be summarized in 3 steps:1 - Enter the voting booth.2 - Mark the left box.3 - Leave.
There is absolutely no point in even thinking about which party to represent themselves. Both left wing and right wing parties are inept and corrupt. And since their lives are not broken for the time being, why should they fix it? So they just vote the default ruling party on the left box and leave. 7 [" a! e- M1 G2 u; W, l0 F

BN The ruling party since 1957, BN stands for Barang Naik and it has the same meaning as UMNO (U Make Noise Only). In BN there are another two parties that support the government that is MIC which also could be called as Malaysian Incest Community, and the MCA that is Malaysian Coward Association. Wishes to suppress development by providing shitty education and Internet so everyone can be as stupid as in 1957 and continue to vote for BN.

PAS PAS which stands for Party Ajaran Sesat or Pakistani, Afghan and Saudi party are a bunch of cave Malays who idolize the Middle East up to the tiniest detail. They aspire to turn the whole of Malaysia and it's people into a 7th century desert country, so that everybody can do the belly dancing while smoking hashish and dyeing their hair with camel pee.

Party members brainstorming.

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DAP Die American Pigs. Gained fame during the trend of anti-Americanism a few decades ago. DAP is widely recognized by their unique flag design, that depicts a SCUD missile angled to hit New York from Kuala Lumpur. After overthrowing the original leader, the party members adopted a different ideology but retained the same name and the flag because it looks really badass or gempak habis. The current slogan of DAP is "Malaysia for Chinese Malaysians" (apparently an embarrassed DAP fanatic have came upon this page and tried to remove the word "Chinese",but several thousand reverts later he gave up and just censored it instead). They almost had Malaysians fooled to think that they are the true champions of genuine democracy, but it turned out they are just a Chinese version of UMNO.

KeadilanAfter getting kicked out of UMNO for secret butt-sex, Anuar's wife founded the Parti Keadilan, which means fairness. It strives to have fair share of duit kopi, government benefits, young Malay girls and AP royalties that UMNO almost exclusively enjoys. In a nutshell, Keadilan is just a whining Malay bitch version of UMNO, pretending to be against corruption and injustice. But we all know that once you go UMNO you never go back.

Yang Amat Gatal - Abdul Fatah
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Voting for opposition parties is totally pointless. Not only that they are just as stupid as BN, but also if you are found promoting opposition party ideologies, criticize the government too much or question the concept of Ketuanan Melayu, you will be jailed without trial under the ISA or also known as the Incest Sex is Alright. If you do not support BN/UMNO, then you are an oppositionist which means you will have no money and no press coverage. Not easy to be the opposition in Malaysia, you know? But don't worry, if you manage to get some political power then it's easy money for you and your cronies!
It is also interesting to note that there are plenty of similarities to NAZI Germany. Like the Nazi's SS (Sexual Services), Malaysia has its ISA (Internal Sex Acts) to silence and rape anyone who opposes the government regime. Nazi had its Master Aryan Race policy, Malaysia has its Ketuanan Melayu policy which means Malay Lordship. Nazi Germany had its Fuhrer who persecuted the hardworking and very clever Jews, Malaysia has it's Prime Minister who's word is law and persecutes the minorities who are hardworking and very clever.TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。3 c ~1 |7 C" l, W5 }# j
Malaysia is a dictatorship disguised as a Parliamentary Democracy. This is because unlike most democracies which splits it's power to make sure that no single entity have too much power, Malaysia's true power is in its Executive Branch, which is the Prime Minister's branch, hence the government. They exert their rule with fear, using the ISA, and forcing laws that strips power from the Legislative and Judicial Branches.
Members of the Parliament no longer have diplomatic immunity because of these policies, and can be imprisoned if they offend the government, which has happened many times. Those that have been imprisoned are systematically brainwashed and raped as they watch others performing oral sex on animals. This is to ensure they'll never mention their experiences while detained by the ISA. 2 X$ G8 ?9 E# p6 z
The Judicial branch's power was raped in 1988, when UMNO somehow managed to undermine and strip their powers when they were not satisfied by the Supreme Court's decision. Today, the Judicial branch of Malaysia is just a puppet of the government, and do not uphold true justice.
Malaysia's parliamentary democracy is claimed to be modeled after the British system with the exception that Britain keeps its monarch and change the government every five years whereas Malaysia keeps its government and change the monarch every five years.TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。 I& L- C& q0 {" a) q+ p

Edit Winning elections in Malaysia In Bolehland, winning elections is a no-brainer. Anyone can become a prominent YB(Yang Bodoh/Yang Babi) these days - even a university reject (don't believe me, ask Najis Tong Rosak). tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb0 C* P( ?; e1 K4 c0 |
To gain Malay votes, you just have to promise them first-class citizen treatment. As for the Chinese promise them lots of money, business opportunities and good fortune. Then for the Indians promise you won't demolish Hindu temples anymore. 公仔箱論壇2 }# Q) S, T0 p# p+ k E
For the Orang Asli...err...who cares. Their votes are too small to make a difference, but if you insist then just promise the usual stuff - more transport and infrastructure into their jungles, more hospitals, etc. However you should NOT promise them first class citizen treatment - or the Malays will jail you under ISA for treason. As for the Dayaks, just tell them you are going to keep taking their resources and making them poor. They expect nothing less.
Of course, as in all elections around the world, you can forget about fulfilling your promise once you won, so that later you can promise the same thing again!!Can meh? Of course we can. Malaysia Boleh Mah!

Edit Religions in Malaysia Malaysia practices the basic democratic principle of freedom of religion. Freedom as in "Free to join Islam, death to the infidels". However, Muslims who finally come to their senses and commit apostasy are liable to anal rape, stoning, caning and other primitive forms of torture, often regarded as entertainment and a popular tourist attraction. A stupid gal Lina Joy renounced her religion, Islam, to become a Christian in 2000. However, in Bolehland you can do anything but renounce Islam. She is now dead. Thanks to all the Muslims who summoned the wrath of Allah and made the Syariah court collapse during her trial.
Malays generally embrace Islam because their Sultan did it, over 9000 years ago. Malays pray to Allah 5 times a day, asking for forgiveness in matters such as 'accidentally' eating pork, 'accidentally' drinking beer, raping their daughters, raping their mothers, raping their sisters, robbing their neighbours and 'accidentally' running over their children while rempit-ing. Malays can be clearly defined with the 3R concept, which is also known as the National Culture of Malaysia, Rompak (Rob), Rempit (Illegal motorcycle racing) and Rogol (Rape).TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。; {3 F/ c/ h" Q0 n+ o$ |4 }; K
While robbery and rape are found in other countries, Rempitism is unique to Malaysia, having the same status as major religions. More accurately, rempitism is a subreligion of Islam, certain Muslims follow the sacred doctrine of rempitism while others choose terrorism. Followers of Rempitism are known as Mat Rempits, or more commonly stupid-retarded-malay-kids. Worshippers gather late at night around (seemingly) deserted major roads and highways in the country, performing an ancient ritual of riding their 100cc motorbikes faster than the speed of light while doing seemingly impossible stunts such as having sex on the bike and steering with their asses. A scoreboard is kept by their girlfriends, known as Mat Minahs. Anyone riding into a drain, straight into an oncoming vehicle, into a tree or falls down is deducted 100 points, if you die, you lose the game. Those left standing at the break of dawn is awarded 900 points.TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。& B! A0 B& t% S$ {
The chinese usually pray to their GOD for money, wealth, 4D numbers and prosperity. Most Chinese colour their hair thinking that they can be like their Hong Kong or Korean idols. Some of them are Christians though and they colour their pussies red for Easter. Dieyucks in East Malaysia are mostly Christians and worship any kind of cross. They pray at the cross-junction of major roads and cause traffic jams.
Malays also practice racism, they are so racist, that they even have their own name for racism, called Ketuanan Melayu. Malays are narcissist, they believe that they are better than everyone else because they don't eat pork, cover up their heads and ride around in 100c motorcycles.
Indian practice no religion as all their temple has been destroyed by the racist BN government. Indian are not allowed to have religion because they are too minor to make a diffrent in the coming erection. WHO CARES?!! YOU NOT HAPPY I REVOKE YOUR CITIZENSHIP!!! - Kerismudin

Edit The Allah DilemmaJust when you thought Malay Muslims can't get anymore retarded, a threshold of stupidity never thought possible have been achieved in Malaysia. The word Allah originates from Arabic, Al - The, Lah - Lie, The Lie, which Arabs call their God for lying to them about their 72 virgins after 9/11. Catholics in East Bolehland, facing a ban from the government on printing bibles (freedom of religion, in your face), imports bibles from shitty Indonesia in the shitty Indonesian language, which happens to use Allah as the word for God. Apparently, Muslims are so stupid, that they are confused by the same word being used in the bible and the quran, shaking their muslim faith and eventually converting them to catholicism. So, catholics aren't allowed to use 'Allah' anymore, and must replace it with Flying Spaghetti Monster, Tulan or whatever. The catholics, unsatisfied, sought help from the almighty Pope in The Vatican and filed a court case lifting the ban on 'Allah'. Obviously, the judge isn't an idiot and they won. Muslims, being the typical cry baby and butt hurt from the court's decision, started firing their lazers and bombed churches. Ironically, most the bombs never went off, causing minimal demage, because Malays are like the French, they just can't get anything right. In the end, the USA invaded Malaysia, sent the Malays back to Arabland where they happily worshipped Allah and stole all the oil and gold. The End.tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb8 d/ ^7 b- Q4 ]! _" T7 N5 O: J9 ~" H' `

Edit Education of Malaysia Main article: Education of Malaysiatvb now,tvbnow,bttvb$ u! B; W9 ?0 Z- Q+ L1 v
The education system of Malaysia is unique, being the only system in the world to penalize high achievers and reward idiots. Brains are exported overseas while the least brightest are nurtured locally, which is the main reason why Malaysians would be unable to differentiate between left and right by 2020. All Malaysians attend 11 years of compulsory brainwashing at government facilities called public schools. Upon graduating, ethnic Malays either enroll in top-quality world class Malaysian universities or creativity classes such as The Art of Mat Rempit and The Basics of Porno DVD Production.

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civicboy1969

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lilitan008

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本帖最後由 civicboy1969 於 2010-12-31 03:42 PM 編輯
TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。1 \5 S' d5 j# i8 ~
SPM Students sitting for the SPM examination is analogous to a cow, as this examination assesses the ability of students to swallow and regurgitate information. Subjects can be easily passed by memorizing the entire textbook without actually understanding anything.os.tvboxnow.com9 t* i2 i: l: F1 H5 W# w3 ]* \9 R
While other international examinations are increasing in standard every year, the SPM examination has shown a steady decline compared from 70s and 80s until today. The reason is simple, if the standard is lowered, more students (read: Malays) will be able to score As, this would appear as if Malaysians are getting smarter every year, credits to the government for this ingenious plan.
For example, take a look at actual questions for SPM Math:公仔箱論壇! \3 l$ h' N8 t
1960s - The equation 3x^2+px+120=0, where p >0  has roots α and β. α-β=3. Evaluate the value of p and (αβ)^2. Hence, calculate the third derivative of y=3x^2+px+120. TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。: ^& G9 M' q1 h4 B
1980s - The quadratic equation x^2+px+q=0 has roots -2 and 6. Find the value of (p+q), hence, form a quadratic equation with roots p, q
2000s - A quadratic equation has the roots 2 and 3. State the sum of 2 and 3.
2020 - If the number 2 is a color, would you like that color? Why?
The SPM has 6 compulsory subjects: Malay, substandard English, 'Modern' Math, Immoral Education for the kaffirs and Plane Hijacking for Muslims, PseudoScience and Fabricated History.. u9 u# e% h  V! N% u
While Bumis learn how to slam planes into buildings, non-Muslim students have to tolerate 2 years of ineffective brainwashing during History, Moral and Civic lessons. Civics was introduced in 2005 when the brilliant government discovered that the reason for brain drain is due to students not being patriotic enough. Consequently, the head researcher, Datuk Hisappuding was awarded a medal for his amazing findings. As a result, students get another 2 classes of snoozing time per week because no one listens during Civic lessons.公仔箱論壇1 E. j3 J9 ?  t1 y9 q( g

Edit Language DillemaFollowing a policy reversal of teaching Math and Science in English, nation-wide SPM test scores for rural areas increased by 0.005%, which experts claim has the same significance as Najis_RazakNajib playing with C4 in Malaysia or a Malay raping his daughter. The remaining students refused to sit for the exam due to the ridiculous questions such as in Add Math, "Cuba cari jawapan untuk x dalam persamaan x+1=0. Kalau tak boleh tak apa, kertas jawapan tanda Bumiputera dah okay, tambah 60 markah". Universities outside the country refused to accept any SPM candidates and the Malaysian university ranking plummeted another 20 places, behind Zimbabwe, Nigeria and Somalia.

Confusion strikes NajibTVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。) U |) r7 e' [6 D! ]( k* |5 `
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Corruption in Malaysia

“A Malaysian with power is absolutely corrupted”~ Oscar Wilde 5 Y4 @3 x, E7 F C0 k. P

“ People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people. But here in Malaysia, it's a total opposite. Sigh ”~ V lamenting his inability to save Malaysia from corruption.

“PDRM Stand for Polis Dibenarkan Rasuah di Malaysia”~ Head of Police in Malaysia 公仔箱論壇2 R( D7 u# F' }# S

TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。. E, L2 D& w4 k2 g, p

“Although in Malaysia got Coffee Bean and Starsorrys but nothing is tasty as Coffee Money, it give us more power to get for it! ”~ Every Police in Malaysia

PDRM Decepticon bot pwning a noob for Duit Kopi.os.tvboxnow.com' g3 y" e8 c: x

PDRM Decepticon bot on the prowl looking for unsuspecting victims for Duit Kopi.

It is like tis one, hmmm...honestly speaking (always use words: Frankly, Honestly, Actually, when you want to say something serious in Malaysia), there is not much corruption in Malaysia (someone please agree!).
Frankly, the situation is not that bad; not all Datuks are involved in 'projects', some of them (the whole family) need no projects to live a life of luxury in Europe, Australia, NZ, etc. These kinds of Datuks, actually, frankly, honestly, are not that uncommon. Honestly, with so much blatant corruption, it is stupid to be a Malaysian and not take advantage of the situation to get leverage financially in order to get laid by hot chicks who will only date you if you drive a car bigger than her boobs.
There are always some uncles talking cock at the coffee shop (go listen now). They can tell you tips of 'How to become rich quick?. Usually the methods are similar: you need to be friends with a Datuk, then either you buy a Mercedes-Benz for your Datuk for him to get projects for you, or you 'share share' the money 50-50, 60-40, 64-36 later.
Quite frankly, if you have government 'connections', you need not worry, because honestly thanks to the beauty of the Official Secrets Act (OSA) which covers even things like toll agreements, the rakyat will never know you are stealing their money right under their noses, seriously. If the Datuk gets accused he can always cry his way out of the situation. The judiciary system is so sorryed up that tears are weighed heavier than evidence in Malaysia. So rest assured.
It is said that the 1st malaysian corruption was recorded in 1902, where parameswara accepted 20 bananas from the Portuguese and sold his penis. Later he would found out that they used his dick and experimented by masturbating it and counted how long it took for a monkey to start leaking semen. To their surprise, it only took parameswara 0.0042seconds which made the fastest orgasm in the world. After countless experiments, parameswara worn out like an old car engine and had to be recycled by cooking it and feeding it to a pig. This is why he got angry and blamed Portuguese for invading which in fact he sold his balls for 20 bananas in the first place.. G5 \0 k4 @; {2 @" V- c3 I# X% U8 F

Free Online Tips & Techniques

What's worst is the police are most probably never going to get around to justice because they only believe in corruption and collecting "kopi-o money" which is basically a sum from RM50-RM3000 that will get you off any offense, even murder!

Aiyoh guys, why y'all want to work? What for, work so hard? Frankly speaking, to become rich in Malaysia, you should try and spend your time looking for a Datuk, and then you tell him that you want the project 'Keep Kepong Clean Campaign' or 'Keep Our Rivers Clean Campaign', etc. Then make sure the project costs 80 million: 10% goes to actual work, 35 million to the Datuk, the rest you keep. Remember, quickly buy property in Australia, and get your PR there.

Important: Make sure the 'Keep Clean Campaign' fails- deliberately fails-so that you can always have more campaigns and more opportunities.

Hottest Job: Custom officer (please apply now).

Play Golf: You can meet a lot of rich Datuks, ministers and businessmen in the golf course. Don't waste time playing other type of sports especially football, sepaktakraw, swimming, etc. Datuks are obese and weak so they only play golf. So if you don't play golf sorry lah, you have no future.

Become an UMNOputra and expect handouts from your clique.

Lagu Duit Kopi (Malaysia Coffee-Money Song)

Malays, Chinese, Indian, Orang Asli, all together, let's sing the song "Duit Kopi". :

TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。" B( a2 |8 M3 Z! L3 I

Yo, mana boleh dapat duit kopi?Lu kena cari Datuk atau Tan sri.Ada Datuk Tan Sri ada duit kopi,lu orang mesti cepat cepat pi cari....Ini zaman semua bayar duit kopi,ACA hari hari cakap tak cukup bukti,Itu government macam cibai puki,Kasi lu tunggu sampai lu mati...Melayu, India sama Orang Asli,Semua pun boleh accept duit kopi,Dapat duit kopi, semua orang happy,Malaysia ini sangat harmony... (Chorus)Tolong jangan buang sampah di sini,Banyak sampah tourist tak mau mari,Tak ada tourist, tak ada money.Duit kopi, lagi third world mentality,Mana boleh ada Vision twenty-twenty...(repeat lyrics)

Malaysia Boleh (Malaysia Can)!!! (shout 3 times after singing, PLEASE ADD "BELAH" AT THE BACK, which makes it Malaysia Boleh Belah, Malaysia Can sorry Off)

English Version - Coffee Money Song/ v+ n# d9 \! `. x4 R
Yo, where can get coffee money?You have to find Datuk or Tan sri (titles given equivalent to Sir in UK)Got Datuk Tan Sri got coffee money,You must quickly go find....Today's world all pay coffee money,ACA (Anti Corruption Agency) everyday talk talk not enough evidence,That government just like cibai puki (pussy),Let you wait till you die...Malays, Chinese, India and indigenous,All also can accept coffee money,Get coffee money, everyone's happy,Malaysia is very harmony... (Chorus)Please don't throw rubbish here,A lot rubbish tourist doesn't want to come,No tourist, no money.Coffee money, more third world mentality,Can't have a Vision twenty-twenty...(repeat lyrics)

Malaysia Can (sorry Off) !!! (shout 3 times after singing)

Edit Anti-CorruptionMalaysia is becoming better. Most Malaysians nowadays, do not opt for bribery. Although I cannot deny a small group of people who are doing this. In the years to come, Malaysians will be corruption-free. Weird things is for many people here even the government minister they didn't think bribery is a corruption as it didn't giving harmful to anyone. So, stop exaggerating stuff <--- Is this fellow on marijuana?Most probably. And several other questionable substances as well, if his pathetic idealism is anything to judge by.
The anti-corruption agencies are in fact the most corrupt people in the planet. The only reason that people join the anti-corruption agencies is because it's very easy to get bribe money since their sole purpose is to find people who offer bribes (this is not just in Malaysia, BTW, it's the same in all other countries as well). The same scenario is applicable to Malaysian politicians, as their sole purpose to join politics is to get rich from bribes. They are the very same politicians who set-up the anti-corruption agencies to disguise their crookedness.

A police officer proudly displaying his new badge "Bribe me later"6 R2 d1 x' r6 w' ^
公仔箱論壇& w: o+ P; L7 X% H7 ]" X- W1 ]

Most high-profile Corruption cases is handled by the BPR or Badan Perogol Rahsuah, meaning Bribe Rapist Body as they are more likely to screw themselves in their anus than actually solve any cases. There have been many high-profile cases where people are obviously guilty, but somehow these investigations just disappear.The attitude of "hangat-hangat tahi ayam" applies to every high-profile cases, where they are remembered for up to a few days old and then forgotten ever since. 公仔箱論壇2 g2 h2 O* N5 `
Be a patriotic citizen and cry "Malaysia Boleh!!" the next time a Tan Sri escapes arrest for raping his daughter!

Edit Malaysia's Space Tourism Programme After running out of ideas on how to show how "Boleh" Malaysians are at wasting money, the government finally decided to send a homosexual Malay into space, fully funded by the Chinese and Indian's taxpayer's money (USD 20Million). The government wants to pretend that Malaysia is sorrying rich and developed. If Malaysia have so much money, why the hell is the road still full of potholes and government building roofs still leaking? Get your sorrying priorities straight.

HAI GUYS LOOK AT ME, I WENT TO SPACE

Anyway, the Pelancong Angkasa (NOT Angkasawan, mind you) is not "a mere passenger to the International Space Station (ISS)". He is going there to do many ground-breaking research that will bring great benefits towards cancer research such as:TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。$ B, P! B2 U$ \5 L

Try to make Teh Tarik (Literally translated as pulled tea) in zero gravity
Eating a Durian in zero gravity
sorry up the toilets in the ISS (Remember, Malaysians don't flush and don't use toilet paper)
Try to toss Roti Canai in space
Play traditional games such as gasing (a top), layang-layang(kite), congkat (stupid weird game) in space
Play yo-yo ("Eureka I can throw it upwards! I bet the NASA didn't know that lol").
Placing liquid on a spoon ("Whoah it sticks! I made a new discovery! 11!)
Play DOTA in space (on Battlenet with aliens with 3 hands, easy item hotkey access)

Not to mention also that our Pelancong Angkasa will once and for all prove that Islam is practicable even in outer space by:

Praying 32 times in a day which lasts 16 minutes while still finding time to fool around with children's games.
Fasting for only 10 minutes at a time. Lucky bastard....
Celebrating Hari Raya at least 5 times during the entire period in space.
Bringing a Malaysian flag to space and shitting all over it.
Brought a Quran to space
Bringing a bomb and shouting Jihad in space.

os.tvboxnow.com: y& K, j0 k$ N1 g* d9 G+ u

Entertainment in MalaysiaThe local entertainment industry consists of rip-offs of popular shows, local porn, low quality crap and other stuff that no one wants to watch.

Local TV Shows

Akademi Frustasia - Reality singing competition where Malays compete with each other to see who cries the most and whose voice is the worst. Chinese or Indian people are not welcome. Even if they participate win they will not get publicity.
Malaysian Idol - Simon Cowell describes it as at least ten times worst than William Hung. You decide.
One in a Million - Another talent contest meant for hookers, dickgirls and fags.
So You Think You Can't Dance - Rip off from the US version. It still sucks. Consists of retards embarrassing themselves in front of the TV.
3R - Rompak, Rempit, Rogol. The latest hip reality show on TV10. Contains many advice on how to act like a typical Malay citizen of Malaysia.
Diari Ramadan Rempit - Drama about a Mat Rempit starving himself during the day and doing motorcycle stunts at night. Story ends with him marrying 6 wifes and 2 mistresses.
Malaysian Idol -Reality singing show in Malaysia. Starring three judges. Siman, a Taiwanes douche bag who makes fun of Mat Rempit. Palua, an anorexic slut. Rundi, the overwieght indonesian minority of the group.

AsstroThe only satellite TV in Malaysia that even Malays living next to swamps can afford. Service sucks and it doesn't have dedicated porn channels. A nice innocent message, "Service is unavailable" pops up when it rains or when Badawi did something stupid, followed by screams from disgruntled customers. It has over one million channels but the only ones that work are cartoons, Malay soap operas, and "The Boring-Stuff-No-One-Wants-To-Watch Show: Starring Kopi Tandas"
Channels:

HOB - Home Office Box(lost in translation). The only channel that shows movies with uncensored sex scenes. The closest Malaysians viewers can get to porn.
Kartoon Network - The channel filled with kiddie porn.
National Geographic - This is where sick bastards watches animals having sex at 10pm Wednesday (adverstisements between 10:05 and 10:50)
Star World - Low quality, censored american porn is shown here.
TMV - TeleMusicVision(lost in translation again). This is a sing-along channel, where faggots and dykes sing just like animals having sex.
AniMax - The only channel Chinese under 20 watch. Load with Hentai such as Dragon BALLz, Ghost in the Cunt: Anal Pernetration, Horny and Lover, and many more.
AXN - The All Xylophone Network. Introducing the first full service channel dedicated to all things Xylophone.
Al Jazeera All Access news channel for terrorist. Dont miss "Bomb Building with Sa'id" on Fridays.

Real Live Entertaiment

Islamic Disco - Cheaper enterance fee, no alcohol, shandy & orange juice, good exercise and strictly non-unisex. Tourists are welcome.
Nashid - Arab cosplay festival.
Mat Rempit Talent Show - Absolutely free, you gather along highways and watch Malays race each other on their motorbikes until dawn or the police comes for coffee money.
Backalley party - Hang out with a bunch of Malay teenagers getting high on drugs and butt sex.

Products Manufactured in MalaysiaBelow are the products manufactured in Malaysia and the recognition it received from the World.

Proton Cars - Recently won the "Best Toy Car Of The Year (BTCOTY)" and "The cheapest source of scrap metal for manhole covers" - Public Works Dept Singapore.
TMNuts Streamyx - Recently gain 1 spot, from 100th to 99th in the recent 3rd World Country Semi-Broadband survey. Broadband speeds now up to 35Kbps as of 2005. Provide the safest internet service in Malaysia - as long as your PC is NOT connected to the internet, it is relatively safe.
Prostitutes and trannies from Jalan Chow Kit and Lorong Haji Taib - Ranked 2nd cleanest in the Central Asia region after Borat's Kazakhstan.
Pirate CDs and DVDs- the ONLY top quality product made here, its quality surpassing even China's. International recognition including: FBI, CIA, Interpol, KGB, STFU, O.K., and WTF.
Kepala Sa-weed - yes, it literally meant "weed head". Malaysia have been ranked the top weed producing country in Asia. 47% of Americans prefered to smoke Malaysian weed than the Mexicans' due to their amazing aftertaste of Nasi Tandas.

Telecommunications in Malaysiatvb now,tvbnow,bttvb* |1 p3 }2 j+ l( y# d5 x4 t
The king of broadband in Malaysia is controlled by Telekong Malaysia. The company offers very very stable and high speed connection to users by offering just 88888888 ringgit a month (it seems). The services of the company however sucks. You want to make a complain, ok lah, they call you to wait wait wait and then they'll say, tanya ini tanya itu. Malaysia Broadband Boleh!. os.tvboxnow.com+ A. k: a5 s. |/ h2 u6 D0 y

Due to Tian Yi (destiny), the Sea Dragon King (hoi loong wong) castle received a Christmas forwarded sms which warned the King to stop partying and stop drinking chivas. However, as he did not heed the warning, it caused the Taiwan 7.1 richter earthquake and it caused serious damage to his undersea palatial mansion. He, the Sea Dragon King got mad and bit off the cables connecting the World Wide Web. So now it becomes World Wide Wait (WWW). Slowmyx was affected and TMwait was rendered useless. the advertised 1Mbps has now been reduced to 1Bps. All these while Malaysians were accustomed to the less than 1Mbps (you know-lah what you see in advertisements are for cuci mata saja ) concept.

Walao...3000ms ping speed le? Speed really kills leh!!

Malaysians were left with TMwait after TMwait gobbled up all other companies while the World Wide Web was down, thus the Super Saiyan TM Megacorp was formed. All the staff became very fiery when they talk ( but kao beh kao bu-lah) all the kbkb talk makes Malaysians very angry. Some became The Hulk and start to thrash TM Megacorps premises due to the World Wide Wait. "Cho Ha Mi? Lag Lag Lag. Now disconnect!" That was the Anti-WWW's slogan. At that time, TM Megacorp's President was at his In-Laws' eating Nasi Lemak at Kampung Batu Tengkujuh. This caused a very serious problem in the telecommunication industry as they needed to stop the bad publicity (kiasu that other ppl find out how Slowmyx performs). As the riots continued, the Super Saiyan staff start to use all their power to pacify the rioting Malaysians. All they did was show the Sea Dragon King's mugshot on the gigantic plasma screen outside of their premises (almost 150 inch wo..not gigantic meh?)

This caused the users to be misled and my oh my, the President of TM Megacorp comes back but finds that he needs a quick fix for the problem. All he can do is pray. Suddenly, he have a bright idea. He wants to declare war on Sea Dragon King as he caused so much trouble for his company. He solicited help from Soddom Hassan, Adalf Hitter, Mr Raju the Chapati Guy, The Cable Guy, Starsky & Hutch to help form an attack plan.

9 u$ X: q8 Q/ H; t0 \5 o

As the planning were undertaken, it caused so much headache and confusion as the plans given by all of his PRO-tem committee could not destroy the Sea Dragon Kingdom. Then, they sent a spy nicknamed Hoi Guai (sea turtle) to infiltrate the Kingdom. Wow, he saw many sculptures of Pots, Pans, Stoves and also many building in the shape of Corell Reeves (artificial Coral Reef like tyre,ship, etc lah) . He also found out that they have power in the sea. He tried to test Kryptonite on the inhabitants of the Kingdom but they were seemingly unaffected by it. After he reported back to TM Megacorp, the President had to throw out all plans by his committee except for Mr Raju's plan.

Mr. Raju's plan were to use the world's biggest chapati to absorb the Sea Water and force the ouster of the Sea Dragon King. The President used the plan and after seven seven forty nine days of battle, the Sea was absorbed and he lost his powers. Mr. Raju was then given the title Grandfather. (the highest honour in Malaysia). Sea Dragon King was captured and stripped off his scales and his Kingdom was then demolished and built into studio apartments for sale.

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civicboy1969

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發表於 2010-12-31 07:30 AM | 只看該作者

本帖最後由 civicboy1969 於 2010-12-31 03:46 PM 編輯 tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb: i% M1 r# ~3 Y4 h: ~

Favorite quotes of the Customer Service representative at TMwait Slowmyx / TMnerd Shitmyx

"We will assign a contracter to your place to look into the matter by tomorrow(in fact a week)."
(if u r using external ADSL modem)"Is the light of the ADSL light blinking of off??"
"Windows XP firewall make your slow koneksion"
"What is the error code shown? If u using router, please try manual konek and call us again."
"Please turn your modem upside down and try again"
"Please unplug your network cable and turn it around and plug it back in" (Witchcraft lah, just stand up and turn around 3 times, your internet will be aaalrite!)
"What version of Windows are you using?" (If it ain't WinXP, fuxx you, we do not support Mac, Win2k or Linux)
"Please unplug your microfilter and plug the modem wire directly into the wall socket" (I can hear the pages flipping, she's either reading Kosmo! or from a frickin' manual, which I can also do, and Fuxx You very much, I already tried, my microfilter is brand new)
"You must plug your SATA modem to the IDE floppy disk and put your USB monitor to the 2-socket plug. Then only can you turn on the 30-Amp power to your Acer.
"I tak tahu..." / "Saya don't know..."
" "Currently, we have no service distruption in malaysia" <--- a good reply when international cable breakdown. Stupid Customer service dont even know.
" Nonit talk so much la..... Let me make report for u. U take the report number and keep quiet... Wait for technician to come( if he remembers).. Bye.... tooo..tooo..
" Now restart your comp....
" Uninstall and then reinstall the network driver. That didn't work for you? What you don't have your original disks? No problem, use this web site... what do you mean you have no Internet without the driver? Are you trying to question me?"
"Please reinstall your modem"(driver)
" I am sorry, our support does not cover that. Try calling the company that made your computer or Microsoft. (I have no idea what you are talking about and my script does not cover these sorts of things. Rather than tell you I have no talent, I am instead telling you to go somewhere else and passing the buck to them. Yet I know they also have help desks in Malaysia so I am phoning them ahead to warn them about you. You are so fuxxored.)
"Talk talk talk... Please wait while all our staffs are engaged on line...(Stupid tmnut song plays... played over and over hundred of times.. then, line disconnected" - This happened when all the staffs went to minum kopi, lepak, talk cock ...etc watever and refused to answer the phone because they know they can't do anything other than saying "Please wait while our technical workers are currently fixing the problemss"
"Huh ?"
"Cannot... cannot" -TMNET customer service on speaking to your supervisor
"Tomorrow you come lah... to tmnet center" -TMNET customer service typical panics
An official reply via email from their customer service: "Send email with details can ? We no receive your email at all." Same email recycle until customers give up.
"Suh... you made no payments" -on the bill you payed 3 months ago, now they're threating to block your connection
"Oh unplug your cable lah, then you squeeze squeeze should be ok adiiiiii!!!"
"Slow? I think you should upgrade to Slowmyx 1 Meg. How much you are paying now? Just add little bit only ma."
"Unplug your telephone line, rub it towards your breast, let the telephone line gets high, then plug back in ur asshole. I'm 100% u can use ur internet to see BOGEL INTERNET."
First time calling: "We need three working days to solve this problem." Call after three days: "We need three working days to solve this problem." and continue the process.
Huh????Our connection is the fastest among the Asia...u still wan to complain.....our 1kbps speed is faster than a Porches 911...

How many TMnutters/TMwaiters it takes to change a light bulb ? All of them, and the everyone of them has the chances to hold the light bulb for 5 seconds - 5 days (depends on company ranks) 99.99999% of the time the light bulb will be missing then they will "Huh ?" every time someone mentions it.公仔箱論壇9 a7 t4 l# v5 S% j+ |) W

Intellectual Jobs in Malaysia

Datuk - Becoming a Datuk in Malaysia promise bright future. You can easily take big contract from government and give it to some chinese contractor. They will buy you some house and Mercedes. Not to mention, this also opens more opportunity for extra side income from bribes which is TAX FREE!

Traffic Police - Only Malays can apply. Their job is simple - ask a driver to pull over, tell him that he has offended many traffic laws (invent one if they couldn't find any) and tell him that they can 'settle' for the expensive fines by a small token of good gesture. Simply ask the drivers to pass some money under their driver's license, and then bid him farewell with the words like "you senang, saya pun senang" and "Ingat, saya anti rasuah!"

Bandaraya Officer - Also known as city council officer. It's a form of legalized gangsterism. Only Malays can apply. Job scope includes legal extortion, confiscating mamak stall tables and chairs, confiscating tables, red cloth and VCD from illegal VCD peddlers and so on. Must be a good auctioneer as well as all confiscated items will be auctioned off."

Toll Money Collector - Sparta requires all males to be fit and healthy, and the same goes to Malaysia's toll collectors. They must have perfect limbs - the left hand must be well developed for it is essential to operate the ticket machine and the cash register. The right hand must be well-built to move non-stop from 8 to 10 daily, and the legs are vital because occasionally they need to abandon their boxes to avoid vehicle crashes to the toll booth. If any of the candidates for the job do not fulfill the required requirements, His Anal Majesty Anwar himself will see to it that the failed candidates will be sodomized and thrown down into the blissful mountains the Chinese call 'Nirvana', the (M)ush-lims 'Bukit Tinggi', the Indians 'N/A' (as the national motto goes, "It's not our problem anyway").

Ah Long - Interested applicants must be Chinese, be fluent in Cantonese, Hokkien, Hakka (being able to curse proficiently is a bonus), have blond hair, killer, liar, have one pierced ear and drive a used Proton Wira with windows tinted as black as Booker T, complete with spoiler so big the car dwarfs an A380, and a muffler the size of Neptune. Also must regularly to kill, kurung people in the sangkar. Must be literate and able to write on small notebooks call buku 555 (so called for the numbers '555' on the cover). An essential skill is the ability to sneak into the homes of people that can't repay their loans (mostly gamblers, other Ah Longs, old Aunties addicted to DaMaCai, or just lazy school kids that want to buy Ragnarok Online characters off eBay) and paint threatening Chinese words (must be in red paint) on their walls. Must also have an affinity with techno music.

Chettiar - The Indian equivalent to Ah Longs. Applicant must be Indian (duh), pot-bellied, have curly moustaches, carry huge black umbrella and carry a huge suitcase in one hand. Also must be able to pull off a Bollywood fight scene in case a client refuses to pay his loans.

Mat Rempit - Pseudo-professional motocycle stuntmen, soon to be dead. Only Malays can apply. Becoming a Mat Rempit is a guarantor of a good future, with the backup support from the government agency call Putera Tak Senonoh Umno. You only need to do stupid motorcycle stunts on your motorbike on a public road to attract more tourists for Year Visit Malaysia 2007. If you don't have money to spend, become a part-time snatch thief or robber. Getting arrested is a definite occupational hazard, but don't worry - just use bribe the Police and everything will be settled.

Mat Skodeng - Only available to Muslims. Also known as government sanctioned Peeping Toms, these are some of the best jobs EVAR!!!!! (if you're a pervert, which is everybody). Basically you find Muslim couples having sex, film them and then report them! AWESOME! You can hand it over to the government to gain commission or sell these films at the "pasar malam" with titles such as 'Seks di tepi Sungai Besi' and 'Perdana Menteri yang Terlampau'.

VCD/DVD Seller - An easy job that just needs you to sell VCDs in the Pasar Malam or around the food court. The fixed price for one VCD is RM5(less than US$2 - important to remember when selling to gwai los). The price for one DVD ranges from RM8-RM10. Selling porn carries the highest profit. This job is better than becoming Multi Level Marketing salesman, because you can get an average salary of RM100 per night. However hawkers must always be aware of undercover police that might be nearby.

Ladyboys - A amusingly high status job for the desperate ones. It's only available at night at certain places such as Mentari Court, Chow Kit, and some back alleys along SS15. Job requirements include (but are not limited to) the ability to pleasure both sexes, having split sex (as in can be a male and a female), the ability to seduce men, women, and other ladyboys. Might have to prepare for police raids and unoccasional GANG BANG rape. According to the current market, a ladyboy can earn RM2,000 to RM 3,000 a night depending on the skills and ability of the ladyboy. Worst comes to worst - Thailand is always open to you.

TehTarikCrew - This is one of the most promising intellectual jobs you can do in glorious country of Malaysia, where all you need to do is dress up all in blue, wear funky leather shoes, and don officer hats. Their job is to ride on the cool lorry trucks (as seen on the MTV hit show "Jihad My Ride") and go on tehtarik raids, scheduled between Malaysian Time 10.00PM to 2.00AM. The raid will consist of 10-20 Level 1 Rogues, as seen in their obvious outfits of leather shoes. To be one of the TehTarikCrew members, one must have at least level 1 Pilfering skills, as required by Arcadia.

CALL CENTER MANIA - The most famous job now days lor..open to all un-educated malaysians..especially the dumb malays..and rempit can join delivery service.. McDonalds delivery(the most lousy delivery service ever) it took them 45 min to one hour to deliver my freeking food? call now..! ! any call center number available to your eyes..just to end up with a dumb malay at the end of line.. "yess sir" "no sirr" the only word the know how to pronounce properly. and when they cant take it anymore, "I tak tau lar sir" "YOu boleh speaking with my supervisor" "I nih bodoh sirr"

TMnerd SHITmyx technical assistance - The easiest job in the world. Just have to pick up the phone, ask for user verification, then ask the caller to unplug the phone line and plug-in again, then restart the computer. You have to memorise the speech and repeat it 500million times a day, because apparently Terrorkom wants to save money.

UMNO Activist - Threaten Malaysians with Keris and degrade non-Malays as immigrants and slaves. Sick and racist, but very good pay. Only rich half-Malays and Malay pretenders can apply - genuine Malays are advised to remain in their kampung and mind their own business.

MCA/MIC Activist - Good choice for non-Malays who still wish to get the money and power benefits that UMNO activists have.

Mamak Stall Worker - Majority taken up by Indian Muslims. Must be able to tolerate racist remarks and flip Roti Canais 24/7. Poor salary, but they don't really care. Must be able to prepare for raids from Bandaraya at any given time.

Note: The truth is, most of the brightest minds have migrated away and now the government is trying to woo them back with pay which is much less than half of what they earn overseas. However they're given benefits like free prostitute access, and lifetime supply of Bak Kut Teh.2 V+ c( r2 ?, w3 W

Drugs

Malaysian penguin caught smoking crack.& _8 {' N4 o. H7 Z/ V" V$ t0 Z
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TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。% c0 u7 D9 }' v! z f# I* ?8 ~

Thank you BN for protecting us from the unspeakable evils of MarijuanaTVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。6 Q( C& _& I/ C# t' s+ ]

TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。# {' v- S/ \. [/ b5 V
Drugs are punished by the barbaric penalty of hanging. Marijuana is considered to be the most harmfull and taboo of all drugs. It is considered the equivalent of cocaine in the U.S. The punishment for more than 200 grams is death penalty. Raids have been conducted by local polis (police) to stop all Marijuana related activities. While crystal meth and heroin uses go up, THANK GOD (sarcasm) the government is cracking down on insanity causing MARIJUANA. According to the Malaysian government Marijuana the most lethal and dangerous drug EVER. Ecstasy and heroin can wait while Malaysia's crusade on Marijuana prevails! This is just a thought, perhaps the Malaysian government shouldn't focus so hard cracking down on Marijuana but improve education, social welfare, and crimes that makes Malaysia look bad like rape and molestation of zoo monkeys.* F% y+ {& v' c$ ?, _

Street Rallies and ProtestsThe Prime Minister, Abdullah Badawi claims that "Malaysia is not a protesting country-lah!", but the text books in school disagree. Obviously he failed History while in secondary school, looks like we have a retard for a prime minister. Let's take a look at what the Secondary 3 History Text Book (page 58) has to say: 5 n( Y# R. w! |+ o; ~% Y
"The Malays organized a peaceful demonstration to protest against Sir Harold MacMicheal's method of acquiring the Sultans’ signatures and to reject the Malayan Union proposal, street demonstrations were held in large towns such as Kota Bharu, Kelantan, Alor Setar, Kedah and Johor Bahru"
"50 000 people (Malays) gather for a street demo in Alor Setar to threaten Sir MacMichael and reject the Malayan Union proposal"
"The Malays showed their displeasure towards the Malayan Union proposal. 'United we stand, divided we fall', that's the way that we should follow." ; ]) u7 t1 s' Q) U# i8 |+ Z) w
Hypocrites, anyone? It's okay for them and the Malays to protest and make noise 50 years ago but it's wrong for everyone now.It is therefore clear that rallying and protesting is forbiddened...UNLESS ITS ABOUT ISLAM (how many times has that clause showed up). Various protests have taken place in the recent past, usually when a muslim wants to convert out of the religion, or when a new building decreases the "feng shui" of a big ass mosque, or when orang utans kidnap the muslim kids and threaten to feed them pork if we don't leave the apes alone.os.tvboxnow.com8 m+ X0 J& F- z4 ~
Since the government turn a deaf ear to protests and rallying in Bolehland, many people are employing a different approach. For example, a long long time ago, dogs were recognized as the country's national animal. Malays and dogs lived peacefully and symbiotically. But when the Chinese and Indians started immigrating to Malaysia, dogs took a liking to them. Dogs started spending more time with the immigrants. The arrival of the British didn't help either since dogs liked them too.os.tvboxnow.com& {2 p; f2 F% t* m% \
As the years went by, the Malays grew hateful and felt betrayed, yet they could not protest to have the dogs exiled. instead they made up some rule whereby Malays can't touch anything dog related. Till today, the rule still stands, and the relationship between Malays and dogs have worsened. The Guiness Book of Records hold this as the longest (and most unsuccesful) protesting strategy of all time.tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb/ w0 w( `* C8 V- |$ S6 }( |; v

The UnBiased Government of Malaysia(1) Of the five major banks, only one is multi-racial, the rest are controlled by Malays.
(2) 99% of Petronas directors are Malays.tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb6 n/ P  z0 F* j: c/ q+ [9 n
(3) 3% of Petronas employees are Chinese.
(4) 99% of 2000 Petronas gasoline stations are owned by Malays.
(5) 100% all contractors working under Petronas projects must be of Bumis status.
(6) 0% of non-Malay staff are legally required in Malay companies. But there must be 30% Malay staffs in Chinese companies.TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。) J0 Z6 V: ^$ ~% i! Q& B7 {/ |
(7) 5% of all new intake for government police, nurses, army, are non-Malays.
(8) 2% is the present Chinese staff in Royal Malaysian Air Force (RMAF), a drop from 40% in 1960.
(9) 2% is the percentage of non-Malay government servants in Putrajaya, but Malays make up 98%.TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。. I) B/ S0 Y! j6 X  M" `
(10) 7% is the percentage of Chinese government servants in the entire government (in 2004); a drop from 30% in 1960.
(11) 95% of government contracts are given to Malays.
(12) 100% all business licensees are controlled by Malay government, e.g. Taxi permits, Approved permits, etc.os.tvboxnow.com1 X) _. }  G" [  U! c4 \
(13) 80% of the Chinese rice millers in Kedah had to be sold to Malay controlled Bernas in 1980s. Otherwise, life is made difficult for Chinese rice millers.
(14) 100 big companies set up, owned and managed by Chinese Malaysians were taken over by government, and later managed by Malays since 1970s, e.g. UTC, UMBC, MISC, etc.TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。: E' E1 O6 e: ~! C& K9 }
(15) At least 10 Chinese owned bus companies (throughout Malaysia in the past 40 years) had to be sold to MARA or other Malay transport companies due to rejection by Malay authorities to Chinese applications for bus routes and rejection for their applications for new buses.1 W/ @4 S" m+ ]2 k
(16) Two Chinese taxi drivers were barred from driving in Johor Larkin bus station. There are about 30 taxi drivers and three were Chinese in Oct. 2004. Spoiling taxi club properties was the reason given.
(17) 0 non-Malays are allowed to get shop lots in the new Muar bus station (Nov. 2004).os.tvboxnow.com; T7 }9 a/ a% ~' j& E; v
(18) 8000 billion ringgit is the total amount the government channeled to Malay pockets through ASB, ASN, MARA, privatization of government agencies, Tabung Haji etc, through NEP over a 34 years period.tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb) W5 q  \4 U" k7 ^4 ]
(19) 48 Chinese primary schools closed down from 1968 - 2000.
(20) 144 Indian primary schools closed down from 1968 - 2000.tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb* \8 O# d2 p; I" x
(21) 2637 Malay primary schools built from 1968 - 2000.
(22) 2.5% is government budget for Chinese primary schools. Indian schools got only 1%, Malay schools got 96.5%.公仔箱論壇, v- l6 v5 k# a7 b3 A
(23) While a Chinese parent with RM1000 salary (monthly) cannot get school textbook loan, a Malay parent with RM2000 salary is eligible.3 w7 C! ]% g+ R3 [
(24) All 10 public university vice chancellors are Malays./ ?: ?/ L! X# Z0 ?: y" e
(25) 5% of the government universities’ lecturers are of non-Malay origins. This percentage has been reduced from about 70% in 1965 to only 5% in 2004.
(26) Only 5% has been given to non-Malays for government scholarships in over 40years.tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb8 a9 D: {3 }5 N/ f# L
(27) 0 Chinese or Indians were sent to Japan and Korea under the “Look East Policy.”
(28) 128 STPM Chinese top students could not get into the course to which they aspired, i.e. Medicine (in 2004).tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb: k6 j( s& p/ r( A- @
(29) 10% quotas are in place for non-Bumi students for MARA science schools beginning in 2003, but only 7% are filled. Before that it was 100% Malays.' _' z2 q, ]' m
(30) 50 cases in which Chinese and Indian Malaysians are beaten up in the National Service program in 2003.
(31) 25% of the Malaysian population was Chinese in 2004, a drop from 45% in 1957.os.tvboxnow.com3 ~8 i9 |. P% e- V! G
(32) 7% of the Malaysian population is Indian (2004), a drop from 12% in 1957.os.tvboxnow.com6 X6 S$ ^3 R  `1 c
(33) 2 million Chinese Malaysians have emigrated in the past 40 years.TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。3 G5 `" x" r9 z! V- m& o4 U
(34) 0.5 million Indian Malaysians have emigrated overseas.( n! k  z& F$ o; `' x9 r
(35) 3 millions Indonesians have migrated to Malaysia and become Malaysian citizens with Bumis status.
(36) 600,000 Chinese and Indian Malaysians with red IC were rejected repeatedly when applying for citizenship in the past 40 years. Perhaps 60% of them had already passed away due to old age. This shows racism, based on how easily Indonesians got their citizenships compared with the Chinese and Indians.公仔箱論壇) m( T' }) U' {; B
(37) 5% - 15% discount for a Malay to buy a house, regardless whether the Malay is rich or poor.
(38) 2% is what new Chinese villages get, compared with 98% - what Malay villages got for rural development budget.1 v0 D% [0 x& p( J$ N
(39) 50 road names (at least) had been changed from Chinese names to other names.  Q7 f2 S8 ?/ I5 M- p' P
(40) 1 Dewan Gan Boon Leong (in Malacca) was altered to another name (e.g. Dewan Serbaguna or something like that) when it was only officially used for a few days. The government tries to shun Chinese names. This example of racism occurred around 2000.
(41) 0 temples/churches were built for each housing estate. But every housing estate got at least one mosque/surau built.
(42) 3000 mosques/surau were built in all housing estates throughout Malaysia since 1970. No temples or churches are required to be built in housing estates.( O8 @8 @2 r) {/ Z$ p
(43) 1 Catholic church in Shah Alam took 20 years to apply to have a building constructed. But they were told by Malay authority that it must look like a factoryand not like a church. As of 2004 the application still have not been approved.) `2 Q4 \4 _/ d1 e* |8 E
(44) 1 publishing of Bible in Iban language banned (in 2002).
(45) 0 of the government TV stations (RTM1, RTM2, TV3) are directors of non-Malay origin.% Z+ D8 h7 [8 N% H
(46) 30 government produced TV dramas and films always showed that the bad guys had Chinese faces, and the good guys had Malay faces. You can checkit out since 1970s. Recent years, this has become less of a tendency.9 R+ q, n2 p- q5 @6 S
(47) 10 times, at least, Malays (especially Umno) had threatened to massacre the Chinese Malaysians using May 13, since 1969.
(48) 20 constituencies won by DAP would not get funds from the government to develop. These Chinese majority constituencies would be the last to bedeveloped.
(49) 100 constituencies (parliaments and states) had been racially re-delineated so Chinese votes were diluted for Chinese candidates. This is one of the main reasons why DAP candidates have consistently lost in elections since the 1970s.os.tvboxnow.com; ?7 G/ q. q( M1 a
(50) Only 3 out of 12 human rights items are ratified by the Malaysian government since 1960.7 o* n: y0 h- ?1 @6 ?
(51) 0 - elimination of all forms of racial discrimination (UN Human Rights) has not been ratified by Malaysian government since 1960s.
(52) 20 reported cases whereby Malay ambulance attendances treated Chinese patients inhumanely, and Malay government hospital staffs purposely delayed attending to Chinese patients in 2003. Unreported cases may be 200.
(53) 50 cases each year whereby Chinese, especially Chinese youths, are being beaten up by Malay youths in public places. Police reports may be checked to verify this, provided the police took the report, otherwise there will be no record.
(54) 20 cases every year whereby Chinese drivers who accidentally knocked down Malays were seriously assaulted or killed by Malays.- c3 R, G  O/ V! g. s0 O1 @
(55) 12% is what ASB/ASN got per annum while banks fixed deposits are only about 3.5% per annum.

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