本帖最後由 civicboy1969 於 2010-12-31 03:42 PM 編輯 tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb& w0 v- f% X/ g; P5 R# h
y5 Z: T; i7 }) P& |0 iTVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。SPM Students sitting for the SPM examination is analogous to a cow, as this examination assesses the ability of students to swallow and regurgitate information. Subjects can be easily passed by memorizing the entire textbook without actually understanding anything.
% T* B9 `: L& vtvb now,tvbnow,bttvbWhile other international examinations are increasing in standard every year, the SPM examination has shown a steady decline compared from 70s and 80s until today. The reason is simple, if the standard is lowered, more students (read: Malays) will be able to score As, this would appear as if Malaysians are getting smarter every year, credits to the government for this ingenious plan. 公仔箱論壇+ k8 h; l% e3 _- g& c
For example, take a look at actual questions for SPM Math:- E. ]9 Z* Y0 Z" @ E! ~# r( E8 k
1960s - The equation 3x^2+px+120=0, where p >0 has roots α and β. α-β=3. Evaluate the value of p and (αβ)^2. Hence, calculate the third derivative of y=3x^2+px+120.
! e; \* F0 p$ I1980s - The quadratic equation x^2+px+q=0 has roots -2 and 6. Find the value of (p+q), hence, form a quadratic equation with roots p, qtvb now,tvbnow,bttvb+ r' a4 j9 u' d9 t0 u
2000s - A quadratic equation has the roots 2 and 3. State the sum of 2 and 3.
% r' o2 w' G, ]/ Z+ D2 z. A* jos.tvboxnow.com2020 - If the number 2 is a color, would you like that color? Why?
. g2 q# ?* h! w5 F% x! zThe SPM has 6 compulsory subjects: Malay, substandard English, 'Modern' Math, Immoral Education for the kaffirs and Plane Hijacking for Muslims, PseudoScience and Fabricated History.8 N7 B% i" z7 }7 m9 ~
While Bumis learn how to slam planes into buildings, non-Muslim students have to tolerate 2 years of ineffective brainwashing during History, Moral and Civic lessons. Civics was introduced in 2005 when the brilliant government discovered that the reason for brain drain is due to students not being patriotic enough. Consequently, the head researcher, Datuk Hisappuding was awarded a medal for his amazing findings. As a result, students get another 2 classes of snoozing time per week because no one listens during Civic lessons.TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。% J: k; ]% W3 q- z# d4 C. h. o) B/ |
 Edit Language DillemaFollowing a policy reversal of teaching Math and Science in English, nation-wide SPM test scores for rural areas increased by 0.005%, which experts claim has the same significance as Najis_RazakNajib playing with C4 in Malaysia or a Malay raping his daughter. The remaining students refused to sit for the exam due to the ridiculous questions such as in Add Math, "Cuba cari jawapan untuk x dalam persamaan x+1=0. Kalau tak boleh tak apa, kertas jawapan tanda Bumiputera dah okay, tambah 60 markah". Universities outside the country refused to accept any SPM candidates and the Malaysian university ranking plummeted another 20 places, behind Zimbabwe, Nigeria and Somalia.
}3 g8 f) v; a& x* K# v/ aTVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。 Confusion strikes Najib
% V$ @& Z0 f7 H& sTVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。% N/ g, ~6 z( }( `% k
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Corruption in Malaysia “A Malaysian with power is absolutely corrupted”~ Oscar Wilde ( J2 U* {0 L+ L/ ?3 k) e
“ People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people. But here in Malaysia, it's a total opposite. Sigh ”~ V lamenting his inability to save Malaysia from corruption.
8 X% p( ^/ P% j% {; V: O9 W# p$ M- `TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。 “PDRM Stand for Polis Dibenarkan Rasuah di Malaysia”~ Head of Police in Malaysia
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“Although in Malaysia got Coffee Bean and Starsorrys but nothing is tasty as Coffee Money, it give us more power to get for it! ”~ Every Police in Malaysia TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。& ^ H% z; U. h3 z+ G
 PDRM Decepticon bot pwning a noob for Duit Kopi.
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0 Z! c) V7 J- f7 d* R9 \" w, l! m: F公仔箱論壇 PDRM Decepticon bot on the prowl looking for unsuspecting victims for Duit Kopi.
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. n! ]& l* a$ C* q/ w3 Wos.tvboxnow.comIt is like tis one, hmmm...honestly speaking (always use words: Frankly, Honestly, Actually, when you want to say something serious in Malaysia), there is not much corruption in Malaysia (someone please agree!). % m% |) p, Q I8 G* g- h2 N3 G
Frankly, the situation is not that bad; not all Datuks are involved in 'projects', some of them (the whole family) need no projects to live a life of luxury in Europe, Australia, NZ, etc. These kinds of Datuks, actually, frankly, honestly, are not that uncommon. Honestly, with so much blatant corruption, it is stupid to be a Malaysian and not take advantage of the situation to get leverage financially in order to get laid by hot chicks who will only date you if you drive a car bigger than her boobs.os.tvboxnow.com# h l/ ?* q6 j: g7 J- N2 l$ {
There are always some uncles talking cock at the coffee shop (go listen now). They can tell you tips of 'How to become rich quick?. Usually the methods are similar: you need to be friends with a Datuk, then either you buy a Mercedes-Benz for your Datuk for him to get projects for you, or you 'share share' the money 50-50, 60-40, 64-36 later.公仔箱論壇8 A4 ^: u+ T+ G: q7 B' i1 k: X! t
Quite frankly, if you have government 'connections', you need not worry, because honestly thanks to the beauty of the Official Secrets Act (OSA) which covers even things like toll agreements, the rakyat will never know you are stealing their money right under their noses, seriously. If the Datuk gets accused he can always cry his way out of the situation. The judiciary system is so sorryed up that tears are weighed heavier than evidence in Malaysia. So rest assured.
! M8 F3 {5 Y% R9 b' W9 x' l- rIt is said that the 1st malaysian corruption was recorded in 1902, where parameswara accepted 20 bananas from the Portuguese and sold his penis. Later he would found out that they used his dick and experimented by masturbating it and counted how long it took for a monkey to start leaking semen. To their surprise, it only took parameswara 0.0042seconds which made the fastest orgasm in the world. After countless experiments, parameswara worn out like an old car engine and had to be recycled by cooking it and feeding it to a pig. This is why he got angry and blamed Portuguese for invading which in fact he sold his balls for 20 bananas in the first place." }6 E+ X1 o- m4 L# c
Free Online Tips & Techniques - What's worst is the police are most probably never going to get around to justice because they only believe in corruption and collecting "kopi-o money" which is basically a sum from RM50-RM3000 that will get you off any offense, even murder!
- Aiyoh guys, why y'all want to work? What for, work so hard? Frankly speaking, to become rich in Malaysia, you should try and spend your time looking for a Datuk, and then you tell him that you want the project 'Keep Kepong Clean Campaign' or 'Keep Our Rivers Clean Campaign', etc. Then make sure the project costs 80 million: 10% goes to actual work, 35 million to the Datuk, the rest you keep. Remember, quickly buy property in Australia, and get your PR there.
- Important: Make sure the 'Keep Clean Campaign' fails- deliberately fails-so that you can always have more campaigns and more opportunities.
- Hottest Job: Custom officer (please apply now).
- Play Golf: You can meet a lot of rich Datuks, ministers and businessmen in the golf course. Don't waste time playing other type of sports especially football, sepaktakraw, swimming, etc. Datuks are obese and weak so they only play golf. So if you don't play golf sorry lah, you have no future.
- Become an UMNOputra and expect handouts from your clique.
Lagu Duit Kopi (Malaysia Coffee-Money Song) Malays, Chinese, Indian, Orang Asli, all together, let's sing the song "Duit Kopi". :   # D9 w, Y9 j- T' j; T
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" }7 j) F: o- s$ n2 `8 i6 n7 |5 RYo, mana boleh dapat duit kopi?Lu kena cari Datuk atau Tan sri.Ada Datuk Tan Sri ada duit kopi,lu orang mesti cepat cepat pi cari....Ini zaman semua bayar duit kopi,ACA hari hari cakap tak cukup bukti,Itu government macam cibai puki,Kasi lu tunggu sampai lu mati...Melayu, India sama Orang Asli,Semua pun boleh accept duit kopi,Dapat duit kopi, semua orang happy,Malaysia ini sangat harmony... (Chorus)Tolong jangan buang sampah di sini,Banyak sampah tourist tak mau mari,Tak ada tourist, tak ada money.Duit kopi, lagi third world mentality,Mana boleh ada Vision twenty-twenty...(repeat lyrics) - Malaysia Boleh (Malaysia Can)!!! (shout 3 times after singing, PLEASE ADD "BELAH" AT THE BACK, which makes it Malaysia Boleh Belah, Malaysia Can sorry Off)
English Version - Coffee Money Songos.tvboxnow.com& U, l! y5 T" N2 D) [2 ]: m
Yo, where can get coffee money?You have to find Datuk or Tan sri (titles given equivalent to Sir in UK)Got Datuk Tan Sri got coffee money,You must quickly go find....Today's world all pay coffee money,ACA (Anti Corruption Agency) everyday talk talk not enough evidence,That government just like cibai puki (pussy),Let you wait till you die...Malays, Chinese, India and indigenous,All also can accept coffee money,Get coffee money, everyone's happy,Malaysia is very harmony... (Chorus)Please don't throw rubbish here,A lot rubbish tourist doesn't want to come,No tourist, no money.Coffee money, more third world mentality,Can't have a Vision twenty-twenty...(repeat lyrics) - Malaysia Can (sorry Off) !!! (shout 3 times after singing)
Edit Anti-CorruptionMalaysia is becoming better. Most Malaysians nowadays, do not opt for bribery. Although I cannot deny a small group of people who are doing this. In the years to come, Malaysians will be corruption-free. Weird things is for many people here even the government minister they didn't think bribery is a corruption as it didn't giving harmful to anyone. So, stop exaggerating stuff <--- Is this fellow on marijuana?Most probably. And several other questionable substances as well, if his pathetic idealism is anything to judge by.5 F9 o z+ h; ^4 R0 }& i4 M
The anti-corruption agencies are in fact the most corrupt people in the planet. The only reason that people join the anti-corruption agencies is because it's very easy to get bribe money since their sole purpose is to find people who offer bribes (this is not just in Malaysia, BTW, it's the same in all other countries as well). The same scenario is applicable to Malaysian politicians, as their sole purpose to join politics is to get rich from bribes. They are the very same politicians who set-up the anti-corruption agencies to disguise their crookedness.公仔箱論壇& d& N& b* U |3 X, E
 A police officer proudly displaying his new badge "Bribe me later"
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Most high-profile Corruption cases is handled by the BPR or Badan Perogol Rahsuah, meaning Bribe Rapist Body as they are more likely to screw themselves in their anus than actually solve any cases. There have been many high-profile cases where people are obviously guilty, but somehow these investigations just disappear.The attitude of "hangat-hangat tahi ayam" applies to every high-profile cases, where they are remembered for up to a few days old and then forgotten ever since.
9 G) c0 ^6 o- V5 n: |$ Hos.tvboxnow.comBe a patriotic citizen and cry "Malaysia Boleh!!" the next time a Tan Sri escapes arrest for raping his daughter!tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb- O1 ]& U2 o% H( O- S
Edit Malaysia's Space Tourism Programme After running out of ideas on how to show how "Boleh" Malaysians are at wasting money, the government finally decided to send a homosexual Malay into space, fully funded by the Chinese and Indian's taxpayer's money (USD 20Million). The government wants to pretend that Malaysia is sorrying rich and developed. If Malaysia have so much money, why the hell is the road still full of potholes and government building roofs still leaking? Get your sorrying priorities straight.公仔箱論壇) ^# Q) D; ?3 o) N
 HAI GUYS LOOK AT ME, I WENT TO SPACE公仔箱論壇7 h9 S- y: Q! H: g9 x: ]
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% o/ r0 }: q. j% h4 Y# }) |, a$ Y- e4 _6 ]os.tvboxnow.comAnyway, the Pelancong Angkasa (NOT Angkasawan, mind you) is not "a mere passenger to the International Space Station (ISS)". He is going there to do many ground-breaking research that will bring great benefits towards cancer research such as:# f2 a. [& P" Q2 e o5 P
- Try to make Teh Tarik (Literally translated as pulled tea) in zero gravity
- Eating a Durian in zero gravity
- sorry up the toilets in the ISS (Remember, Malaysians don't flush and don't use toilet paper)
- Try to toss Roti Canai in space
- Play traditional games such as gasing (a top), layang-layang(kite), congkat (stupid weird game) in space
- Play yo-yo ("Eureka I can throw it upwards! I bet the NASA didn't know that lol").
- Placing liquid on a spoon ("Whoah it sticks! I made a new discovery! 11!)
- Play DOTA in space (on Battlenet with aliens with 3 hands, easy item hotkey access)
Not to mention also that our Pelancong Angkasa will once and for all prove that Islam is practicable even in outer space by:
]9 c: z; {: j, J# ` }tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb- Praying 32 times in a day which lasts 16 minutes while still finding time to fool around with children's games.
- Fasting for only 10 minutes at a time. Lucky bastard....
- Celebrating Hari Raya at least 5 times during the entire period in space.
- Bringing a Malaysian flag to space and shitting all over it.
- Brought a Quran to space
- Bringing a bomb and shouting Jihad in space.
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, J( k2 g1 s" j: ?. p+ {2 m Entertainment in MalaysiaThe local entertainment industry consists of rip-offs of popular shows, local porn, low quality crap and other stuff that no one wants to watch.
9 v, e. l6 j' Q' } Local TV Shows - Akademi Frustasia - Reality singing competition where Malays compete with each other to see who cries the most and whose voice is the worst. Chinese or Indian people are not welcome. Even if they participate win they will not get publicity.
- Malaysian Idol - Simon Cowell describes it as at least ten times worst than William Hung. You decide.
- One in a Million - Another talent contest meant for hookers, dickgirls and fags.
- So You Think You Can't Dance - Rip off from the US version. It still sucks. Consists of retards embarrassing themselves in front of the TV.
- 3R - Rompak, Rempit, Rogol. The latest hip reality show on TV10. Contains many advice on how to act like a typical Malay citizen of Malaysia.
- Diari Ramadan Rempit - Drama about a Mat Rempit starving himself during the day and doing motorcycle stunts at night. Story ends with him marrying 6 wifes and 2 mistresses.
- Malaysian Idol -Reality singing show in Malaysia. Starring three judges. Siman, a Taiwanes douche bag who makes fun of Mat Rempit. Palua, an anorexic slut. Rundi, the overwieght indonesian minority of the group.
AsstroThe only satellite TV in Malaysia that even Malays living next to swamps can afford. Service sucks and it doesn't have dedicated porn channels. A nice innocent message, "Service is unavailable" pops up when it rains or when Badawi did something stupid, followed by screams from disgruntled customers. It has over one million channels but the only ones that work are cartoons, Malay soap operas, and "The Boring-Stuff-No-One-Wants-To-Watch Show: Starring Kopi Tandas" TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。" h2 j, l0 r9 x6 ]* u' n
Channels:
- A' T0 Z9 s1 [( R% b6 [- M6 e公仔箱論壇- HOB - Home Office Box(lost in translation). The only channel that shows movies with uncensored sex scenes. The closest Malaysians viewers can get to porn.
- Kartoon Network - The channel filled with kiddie porn.
- National Geographic - This is where sick bastards watches animals having sex at 10pm Wednesday (adverstisements between 10:05 and 10:50)
- Star World - Low quality, censored american porn is shown here.
- TMV - TeleMusicVision(lost in translation again). This is a sing-along channel, where faggots and dykes sing just like animals having sex.
- AniMax - The only channel Chinese under 20 watch. Load with Hentai such as Dragon BALLz, Ghost in the Cunt: Anal Pernetration, Horny and Lover, and many more.
- AXN - The All Xylophone Network. Introducing the first full service channel dedicated to all things Xylophone.
- Al Jazeera All Access news channel for terrorist. Dont miss "Bomb Building with Sa'id" on Fridays.
Real Live Entertaiment - Islamic Disco - Cheaper enterance fee, no alcohol, shandy & orange juice, good exercise and strictly non-unisex. Tourists are welcome.
- Nashid - Arab cosplay festival.
- Mat Rempit Talent Show - Absolutely free, you gather along highways and watch Malays race each other on their motorbikes until dawn or the police comes for coffee money.
- Backalley party - Hang out with a bunch of Malay teenagers getting high on drugs and butt sex.
Products Manufactured in MalaysiaBelow are the products manufactured in Malaysia and the recognition it received from the World.7 y3 @( }4 I) }: b: z: F7 I
- Proton Cars - Recently won the "Best Toy Car Of The Year (BTCOTY)" and "The cheapest source of scrap metal for manhole covers" - Public Works Dept Singapore.
- TMNuts Streamyx - Recently gain 1 spot, from 100th to 99th in the recent 3rd World Country Semi-Broadband survey. Broadband speeds now up to 35Kbps as of 2005. Provide the safest internet service in Malaysia - as long as your PC is NOT connected to the internet, it is relatively safe.
- Prostitutes and trannies from Jalan Chow Kit and Lorong Haji Taib - Ranked 2nd cleanest in the Central Asia region after Borat's Kazakhstan.
- Pirate CDs and DVDs- the ONLY top quality product made here, its quality surpassing even China's. International recognition including: FBI, CIA, Interpol, KGB, STFU, O.K., and WTF.
- Kepala Sa-weed - yes, it literally meant "weed head". Malaysia have been ranked the top weed producing country in Asia. 47% of Americans prefered to smoke Malaysian weed than the Mexicans' due to their amazing aftertaste of Nasi Tandas.
Telecommunications in Malaysia
+ G* U# J* O+ aThe king of broadband in Malaysia is controlled by Telekong Malaysia. The company offers very very stable and high speed connection to users by offering just 88888888 ringgit a month (it seems). The services of the company however sucks. You want to make a complain, ok lah, they call you to wait wait wait and then they'll say, tanya ini tanya itu. Malaysia Broadband Boleh!. 公仔箱論壇/ g- Q! B! |) o) U% S
- Due to Tian Yi (destiny), the Sea Dragon King (hoi loong wong) castle received a Christmas forwarded sms which warned the King to stop partying and stop drinking chivas. However, as he did not heed the warning, it caused the Taiwan 7.1 richter earthquake and it caused serious damage to his undersea palatial mansion. He, the Sea Dragon King got mad and bit off the cables connecting the World Wide Web. So now it becomes World Wide Wait (WWW). Slowmyx was affected and TMwait was rendered useless. the advertised 1Mbps has now been reduced to 1Bps. All these while Malaysians were accustomed to the less than 1Mbps (you know-lah what you see in advertisements are for cuci mata saja ) concept.
 Walao...3000ms ping speed le? Speed really kills leh!!公仔箱論壇' ^' K& X, R; r* x
5 }! V' ]$ A' \/ ^; STVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。
! Q6 ]" {5 p# }* L$ vos.tvboxnow.com- Malaysians were left with TMwait after TMwait gobbled up all other companies while the World Wide Web was down, thus the Super Saiyan TM Megacorp was formed. All the staff became very fiery when they talk ( but kao beh kao bu-lah) all the kbkb talk makes Malaysians very angry. Some became The Hulk and start to thrash TM Megacorps premises due to the World Wide Wait. "Cho Ha Mi? Lag Lag Lag. Now disconnect!" That was the Anti-WWW's slogan. At that time, TM Megacorp's President was at his In-Laws' eating Nasi Lemak at Kampung Batu Tengkujuh. This caused a very serious problem in the telecommunication industry as they needed to stop the bad publicity (kiasu that other ppl find out how Slowmyx performs). As the riots continued, the Super Saiyan staff start to use all their power to pacify the rioting Malaysians. All they did was show the Sea Dragon King's mugshot on the gigantic plasma screen outside of their premises (almost 150 inch wo..not gigantic meh?)
- This caused the users to be misled and my oh my, the President of TM Megacorp comes back but finds that he needs a quick fix for the problem. All he can do is pray. Suddenly, he have a bright idea. He wants to declare war on Sea Dragon King as he caused so much trouble for his company. He solicited help from Soddom Hassan, Adalf Hitter, Mr Raju the Chapati Guy, The Cable Guy, Starsky & Hutch to help form an attack plan.
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- As the planning were undertaken, it caused so much headache and confusion as the plans given by all of his PRO-tem committee could not destroy the Sea Dragon Kingdom. Then, they sent a spy nicknamed Hoi Guai (sea turtle) to infiltrate the Kingdom. Wow, he saw many sculptures of Pots, Pans, Stoves and also many building in the shape of Corell Reeves (artificial Coral Reef like tyre,ship, etc lah) . He also found out that they have power in the sea. He tried to test Kryptonite on the inhabitants of the Kingdom but they were seemingly unaffected by it. After he reported back to TM Megacorp, the President had to throw out all plans by his committee except for Mr Raju's plan.
- Mr. Raju's plan were to use the world's biggest chapati to absorb the Sea Water and force the ouster of the Sea Dragon King. The President used the plan and after seven seven forty nine days of battle, the Sea was absorbed and he lost his powers. Mr. Raju was then given the title Grandfather. (the highest honour in Malaysia). Sea Dragon King was captured and stripped off his scales and his Kingdom was then demolished and built into studio apartments for sale.
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發表於 2010-12-30 02:47 AM
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看貼是一種享受
回帖是一種支持
公仔箱論壇! n3 r8 D: o) B! H# ?& O' r+ c
發表於 2010-12-30 01:30 PM
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I will go back and read more in detail la.....
