本帖最後由 civicboy1969 於 2010-12-31 03:40 PM 編輯 tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb; D0 D+ |: {5 v' I3 e- S3 [
3 d) D2 v4 U, s- [; `$ jtvb now,tvbnow,bttvbThe Malaysian National Service (PLKN) Gay Education Module.tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb0 _) e: l0 ?% _
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Malaysia is the only country with its own style of National Service which is not base on military conscripting. Yet, there are at least 1 death every year due to this program. Malaysia Boleh. TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。" N: v: Y9 x" J9 R, C$ X' ^3 }
PLKN is military training and sex education in a single package. Each year there is at least one person who got his cherry popped (anally violated to be exact). During the course the trainer will often rape the trainee or vice versa. The males are always the victim - why the girls are somehow spared is unknown.
7 x4 }1 z+ D: j% E; _ \公仔箱論壇The Malaysian National Service has been arranged into several modules:
8 x' V$ _ o1 E6 b, ?2 q) [. u4 W2 X- Physical Module: Produce military teams to invade another country. 1st target Communist Singapore, then Indonesia, and finally the evil USA. Malaysians are trained to use the keris (traditional Malay knife used for carving bananas) in combat. C4 detonating course is personally supervised by Najib.
- Character Building Module: Build up character to cheat tourists, bribe people, snatch handbags, Mat Rempit, spit on the floor, lead UMNO, etc...
- Gay Education Module: Malaysia's attempt to halt the raping and turn it into a formal training session. This only applies to male dorm when it is night time. The only activity they can do is Gay Party!
- Lesbian Education Module: Similar program as above but for the girls.
- Community Service Module: Where the trainees are treated as slaves for cleaning sewage, moving large concrete to a construction site, pushing stones, burn rubbish, campaign for UMNO and loiter around the village showing off their uniforms.
- Suicide Bombing Module: Cancelled due to lack of volunteers from non-Muslim trainees.
 Edit SmatijovesFor the big one with all the pretty little paragraphs, see Smatijove. Tourists who actually want to travel to Malaysia must prepare themselves for the evil cult tradition known as smatijoves. Everyone must eat one at 11 o clock every 12 hours or otherwise the demon entity Smataja will invade their household and rape and kill the rest of their family.
, u8 U% f9 i/ @2 Z G( q# d3 ]! m, atvb now,tvbnow,bttvbSmatijoves were the cause of the infamous Bread War with America in the 80s. Many lives were lost, and the smatijoves in question were banned across the world (except in the Netherlands). This caused an uprising of smatijove terrorists and extremists that still grow in number today.
4 N' ~& |& j1 ?* ]0 z. _tvb now,tvbnow,bttvbCaptain Nail Rockfist, American veteran of the Bread War said "It was total carnage. The enemy to the left, my buddies to my right all bombed by smatijove warriors. My best soldier, Private Wimpy Kershaw, was found dead in a pool of his own stagnant blood. Well we thought it was blood but it turned out to be blackcurrant jam again which infuriated me. Still, it was rather tasty. Fancy a jar?" In contrast, Former enemy soldier and smatijove campaigner Warrick Rocking Bling of the Malaysian army said "DIE! DIE!!! KILL ALL THE UNBELIEVERS! SMATAJA WILL RISE AND TAKE YOU TO ALL! YOU'LL BE SORRY! HAIL SMATAJA! WE LOVE HIM! YOAOAOAOAOOOOO!!!"tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb% N! p8 }- `: U
If you ask me, they're all nutjobs. The next Bread War will take place in London, 2012 to 2016 and the third one will happen round about 2063 three years prior to the creation of the BFG.
- F9 Z# s1 I7 |4 T3 E8 oTVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。Edit Transportation In Malaysia Note: When parking your car, please make sure you can block the entire street.
8 g! _; x$ p/ S/ Qtvb now,tvbnow,bttvbTVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。2 U% M5 \% w, o0 P: t
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The best way to get around Malaysia is by car. This is because the petrol is dirt cheap. Car in Malaysia is the cheapest in the entire universe. Even the Sing-gay-poh-rian have to drive all the way north to JB just to refill their tank for half the price compared to their own minute country. This proves that Malaysians are rich and not poor unlike what the Western Media says. Chinese Malaysians will spend insane amounts of money to buy numbers like 1,5,7,8,9, and the letter C for their license plates and the recent most expensive car plate number starting with TAN XXXX cost RM200,000 (Yes, five zeros behind im not kidding but RM200,000 is worth USD 0.01). This brings good fart and protection from God when doing stunts like following a petrol tanker at 0.005463 meters and at 80kmh, driving at the speed of light, and overtaking dangerously. If accident happens, it means you didn't have enough number 8 on your license plate... so bad luck for you, lor! 9 G1 s- E, N( l; Z: E! k- @/ T
If you want to take a bus, you must go to the central bus terminal in Kotor Raya. There is also a monorail available in KL, but it only goes from the mall to public restroom.
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Edit Highways and Lowways (and their friggin' tolls all the way)Mr. Semi Value (who is supposed to be in Lunas but nowhere to be seen there, strange) is the one contributing to all the tolls around the tapioca-shaped country. All he needs to do is just say "We need tolls. Lots of them." and SWISH, tolls will pop up like toadstools (not mushrooms, because they were all kidnapped to some game with some lunatic plumber in it; who is actually Josef Stalin in disguise) after the bloody monsoon rain. Mr. Samy(an apprentice of Donald Trump-the hair oh the hair!!!) is now officially worshipped as The Satu, with his temple built in Lunas (as expected) in order to commemorate his efforts to conquer the Highway Maytricks, but he's still nowhere to be seen in Lunas. And strangely enough, ANY kind of road is suitable to become a Highway, including those roads that are nicknamed 'Ulu-Ulu Road' (though it's much more suitable to be called a Lowway but crap, this is Malaysia and Malaysia Boleh!). A road made for cows to walk on will suddenly become a highway within a day, and there will be tolls every 5 KM on it for some apparent reason left for everyone not stupid enough to figure it out. It is widely believed that Malaysian highways will improve significantly, as soon as someone figures out a way to keep Singaporeans from crossing the border and acting like they are in the Monaco Gran Prix.
. U* i: O) z- n! }; ?- pos.tvboxnow.comMr. Semi is also well known for his creation of a recent landmark in Malaysia - specially cracked MRR 2 bridge in Kepong. Local tourism soared since then, tourists from all over the world drop by to admire at our engineering at its best - how to design a cracked bridge that everyday commuters can use unsuspectingly and this is very good news in conjunction with Visit Malaysia Year 2007. Which is why Malaysians are encouraged to pay more tolls to sustain this development with the recent 700% increment in toll rates. This also sparks a new era for Malaysian construction industry, they can now replace conventional dull and unattractive concrete with the one with cracks all over to make it not so eye sore. This saves costs for the taukehs and datuks and their extra duit kopi can now be spent on their new BMWs (Be My Whores) or bungalows that will show Malaysia is just like a first world country.os.tvboxnow.com& b2 f& R2 W2 ?" W' B
Vehicle purchasing schemes are super-flexible in Malaysia. You can purchase a vehicle and opt for no signal lights, fixed high beam headlight, no wiper, reconditioned lorry horn unit for optimum performance and few others. Schemes are revised yearly by Proton and Pro-Duck, the two national car bakers, to suit market demand. Failure to use blinkers and sudden lane change when driving is not an offense. Pedestrian failing to see oncoming vehicle and getting hit can be charged in court.
0 }( X2 O. j7 J. _; cEdit Jam IndustryOne of Malaysia's famous side-products is the traffic-flavored jam. Thanks to the local government who molded roads in strange various ways, it is deemed common to find the production of this uniquely-flavored jam at any part of this monkey half-island, and normally between the twin peak hours of morning and evening (which is determined by the position and angle of the Twin Peak Towers on the surface of Earth against the Moon and the Sun and the whole universe whaddaheck). Unfortunately the government wasn't genius enough to think of the idea of exporting this kind of jam, because the only market they'd thought of is the local market. The phrase 'stuck in a jam' normally refers to the local people who enjoyed bathing in the jam and honking all around to exclaim how tasty the traffic-flavored jam is. Surveys report that quite a number of tourists enjoyed this jam more than the Durian (which was actually the main material to make stinkbombs used during the Holy Party Wars and the upcoming Neighborhood Wars), in which they will go around expressing their delight with 'heart-felt swearing'. Despite its growing popularity, it remains second best behind the controversial Blackcurrant concoction used to make smatijoves. Oh well, that's all you can really say about them anyway. walaoeh
* n' O4 {0 l. {8 K9 K. ^公仔箱論壇Edit AccidentsIf you happen to see a car hit a motorcycle, quickly stop your car and stand there to watch to see whether the biker died or still alive. Make sure you join the crowd, watch and talk nonesense as if you care and willing to help. Don't call an ambulance - they won't arrive in time and besides it's not that you really care.
' ^9 I2 R2 a3 F2 J2 rThose who won't stop their cars can always slow down and irritate the rest of the drivers behind you. You may stare at the dying victims and say "Waaa nowadays very dangerous, drivers are so careless..." and then drive away with no sense of sympathy whatsoever. You MUST do this, otherwise you are not Malaysian.
0 X1 \8 M. O( D7 Y. `8 yLast but not least make sure you copy down the number plates for 4D - the more serious the accident the better. The best number is from a car who hit a pig and crashed into a muddy hole filled with angry crocodiles and exploded killing a masjid imam nearby. This ensures 100% win in a lottery.8 d0 N! r, A# A4 M
Edit Politics of Malaysia  your loyal guard dog (not)- e9 n% W- ~7 {4 F& s" {
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! t4 o2 d, {; vos.tvboxnow.comIn Malaysia, politician groups are known as parties. This is because they love to party all day and night while ignoring their responsibility in attending parliamentary meetings. They think it is easier to brainstorm for solutions to develop the country suck more taxpayer's money while they are outdoors drinking beer, dancing to dangdut and sorrying 'anak burung'... burung apa??? burung murai... burung apa??? burung murai... burung apa??? burung murai... in Damansara, than just sitting still for hours in the boring Parliament staring at the Agong's face.
G2 z+ E3 H6 c8 f9 v7 v1 i* a2 ZMalaysians have a responsibility when the election comes. In a nutshell all they have to do can be summarized in 3 steps:1 - Enter the voting booth.2 - Mark the left box.3 - Leave.
' @ ^7 V9 H) R" sTVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。There is absolutely no point in even thinking about which party to represent themselves. Both left wing and right wing parties are inept and corrupt. And since their lives are not broken for the time being, why should they fix it? So they just vote the default ruling party on the left box and leave. ! t/ h5 u. V; g o
- BN The ruling party since 1957, BN stands for Barang Naik and it has the same meaning as UMNO (U Make Noise Only). In BN there are another two parties that support the government that is MIC which also could be called as Malaysian Incest Community, and the MCA that is Malaysian Coward Association. Wishes to suppress development by providing shitty education and Internet so everyone can be as stupid as in 1957 and continue to vote for BN.
- PAS PAS which stands for Party Ajaran Sesat or Pakistani, Afghan and Saudi party are a bunch of cave Malays who idolize the Middle East up to the tiniest detail. They aspire to turn the whole of Malaysia and it's people into a 7th century desert country, so that everybody can do the belly dancing while smoking hashish and dyeing their hair with camel pee.
 Party members brainstorming.
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- DAP Die American Pigs. Gained fame during the trend of anti-Americanism a few decades ago. DAP is widely recognized by their unique flag design, that depicts a SCUD missile angled to hit New York from Kuala Lumpur. After overthrowing the original leader, the party members adopted a different ideology but retained the same name and the flag because it looks really badass or gempak habis. The current slogan of DAP is "Malaysia for Chinese Malaysians" (apparently an embarrassed DAP fanatic have came upon this page and tried to remove the word "Chinese",but several thousand reverts later he gave up and just censored it instead). They almost had Malaysians fooled to think that they are the true champions of genuine democracy, but it turned out they are just a Chinese version of UMNO.
- KeadilanAfter getting kicked out of UMNO for secret butt-sex, Anuar's wife founded the Parti Keadilan, which means fairness. It strives to have fair share of duit kopi, government benefits, young Malay girls and AP royalties that UMNO almost exclusively enjoys. In a nutshell, Keadilan is just a whining Malay bitch version of UMNO, pretending to be against corruption and injustice. But we all know that once you go UMNO you never go back.
 Yang Amat Gatal - Abdul Fatahos.tvboxnow.com; \. E1 L4 @ k. ]9 l
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5 W: C% S+ v; J. B9 Stvb now,tvbnow,bttvbVoting for opposition parties is totally pointless. Not only that they are just as stupid as BN, but also if you are found promoting opposition party ideologies, criticize the government too much or question the concept of Ketuanan Melayu, you will be jailed without trial under the ISA or also known as the Incest Sex is Alright. If you do not support BN/UMNO, then you are an oppositionist which means you will have no money and no press coverage. Not easy to be the opposition in Malaysia, you know? But don't worry, if you manage to get some political power then it's easy money for you and your cronies!公仔箱論壇6 X7 q' g; S7 ]' e
It is also interesting to note that there are plenty of similarities to NAZI Germany. Like the Nazi's SS (Sexual Services), Malaysia has its ISA (Internal Sex Acts) to silence and rape anyone who opposes the government regime. Nazi had its Master Aryan Race policy, Malaysia has its Ketuanan Melayu policy which means Malay Lordship. Nazi Germany had its Fuhrer who persecuted the hardworking and very clever Jews, Malaysia has it's Prime Minister who's word is law and persecutes the minorities who are hardworking and very clever.
" B# O9 K' M, Z* [公仔箱論壇Malaysia is a dictatorship disguised as a Parliamentary Democracy. This is because unlike most democracies which splits it's power to make sure that no single entity have too much power, Malaysia's true power is in its Executive Branch, which is the Prime Minister's branch, hence the government. They exert their rule with fear, using the ISA, and forcing laws that strips power from the Legislative and Judicial Branches. 9 y R* G/ e! p! `% E6 G; i
Members of the Parliament no longer have diplomatic immunity because of these policies, and can be imprisoned if they offend the government, which has happened many times. Those that have been imprisoned are systematically brainwashed and raped as they watch others performing oral sex on animals. This is to ensure they'll never mention their experiences while detained by the ISA. - A; X" @0 `# L$ j" V; G' y8 _% X
The Judicial branch's power was raped in 1988, when UMNO somehow managed to undermine and strip their powers when they were not satisfied by the Supreme Court's decision. Today, the Judicial branch of Malaysia is just a puppet of the government, and do not uphold true justice.
! g9 D* U- J" w, {) B2 _Malaysia's parliamentary democracy is claimed to be modeled after the British system with the exception that Britain keeps its monarch and change the government every five years whereas Malaysia keeps its government and change the monarch every five years.
" G4 M- |& v/ p0 d4 d6 ^. J$ Y9 |5 ?& Ctvb now,tvbnow,bttvbEdit Winning elections in Malaysia In Bolehland, winning elections is a no-brainer. Anyone can become a prominent YB(Yang Bodoh/Yang Babi) these days - even a university reject (don't believe me, ask Najis Tong Rosak). os.tvboxnow.com8 P3 ` d6 M4 {. Y) w* u
To gain Malay votes, you just have to promise them first-class citizen treatment. As for the Chinese promise them lots of money, business opportunities and good fortune. Then for the Indians promise you won't demolish Hindu temples anymore. + }, u0 ?# ^6 T
For the Orang Asli...err...who cares. Their votes are too small to make a difference, but if you insist then just promise the usual stuff - more transport and infrastructure into their jungles, more hospitals, etc. However you should NOT promise them first class citizen treatment - or the Malays will jail you under ISA for treason. As for the Dayaks, just tell them you are going to keep taking their resources and making them poor. They expect nothing less.公仔箱論壇& E9 Q1 O, E3 ]3 }) e$ O
Of course, as in all elections around the world, you can forget about fulfilling your promise once you won, so that later you can promise the same thing again!!Can meh? Of course we can. Malaysia Boleh Mah!
2 v# _; ]4 Q8 h0 x( I$ Rtvb now,tvbnow,bttvbEdit Religions in Malaysia Malaysia practices the basic democratic principle of freedom of religion. Freedom as in "Free to join Islam, death to the infidels". However, Muslims who finally come to their senses and commit apostasy are liable to anal rape, stoning, caning and other primitive forms of torture, often regarded as entertainment and a popular tourist attraction. A stupid gal Lina Joy renounced her religion, Islam, to become a Christian in 2000. However, in Bolehland you can do anything but renounce Islam. She is now dead. Thanks to all the Muslims who summoned the wrath of Allah and made the Syariah court collapse during her trial. TVBNOW 含有熱門話題，最新最快電視，軟體，遊戲，電影，動漫及日常生活及興趣交流等資訊。; u% `% {- p t3 T3 F
Malays generally embrace Islam because their Sultan did it, over 9000 years ago. Malays pray to Allah 5 times a day, asking for forgiveness in matters such as 'accidentally' eating pork, 'accidentally' drinking beer, raping their daughters, raping their mothers, raping their sisters, robbing their neighbours and 'accidentally' running over their children while rempit-ing. Malays can be clearly defined with the 3R concept, which is also known as the National Culture of Malaysia, Rompak (Rob), Rempit (Illegal motorcycle racing) and Rogol (Rape).
+ x8 Z: ?9 U6 gos.tvboxnow.comWhile robbery and rape are found in other countries, Rempitism is unique to Malaysia, having the same status as major religions. More accurately, rempitism is a subreligion of Islam, certain Muslims follow the sacred doctrine of rempitism while others choose terrorism. Followers of Rempitism are known as Mat Rempits, or more commonly stupid-retarded-malay-kids. Worshippers gather late at night around (seemingly) deserted major roads and highways in the country, performing an ancient ritual of riding their 100cc motorbikes faster than the speed of light while doing seemingly impossible stunts such as having sex on the bike and steering with their asses. A scoreboard is kept by their girlfriends, known as Mat Minahs. Anyone riding into a drain, straight into an oncoming vehicle, into a tree or falls down is deducted 100 points, if you die, you lose the game. Those left standing at the break of dawn is awarded 900 points.
- q0 T# Q, U9 w+ k8 c. w公仔箱論壇The chinese usually pray to their GOD for money, wealth, 4D numbers and prosperity. Most Chinese colour their hair thinking that they can be like their Hong Kong or Korean idols. Some of them are Christians though and they colour their pussies red for Easter. Dieyucks in East Malaysia are mostly Christians and worship any kind of cross. They pray at the cross-junction of major roads and cause traffic jams.
/ L0 E/ r: e3 |& b) h4 J4 gtvb now,tvbnow,bttvbMalays also practice racism, they are so racist, that they even have their own name for racism, called Ketuanan Melayu. Malays are narcissist, they believe that they are better than everyone else because they don't eat pork, cover up their heads and ride around in 100c motorcycles.tvb now,tvbnow,bttvb) V3 F2 j1 ^( k7 ~6 R. _
Indian practice no religion as all their temple has been destroyed by the racist BN government. Indian are not allowed to have religion because they are too minor to make a diffrent in the coming erection. WHO CARES?!! YOU NOT HAPPY I REVOKE YOUR CITIZENSHIP!!! - Kerismudin
4 k7 ^7 h4 E6 D I3 U2 O: }8 h公仔箱論壇Edit The Allah DilemmaJust when you thought Malay Muslims can't get anymore retarded, a threshold of stupidity never thought possible have been achieved in Malaysia. The word Allah originates from Arabic, Al - The, Lah - Lie, The Lie, which Arabs call their God for lying to them about their 72 virgins after 9/11. Catholics in East Bolehland, facing a ban from the government on printing bibles (freedom of religion, in your face), imports bibles from shitty Indonesia in the shitty Indonesian language, which happens to use Allah as the word for God. Apparently, Muslims are so stupid, that they are confused by the same word being used in the bible and the quran, shaking their muslim faith and eventually converting them to catholicism. So, catholics aren't allowed to use 'Allah' anymore, and must replace it with Flying Spaghetti Monster, Tulan or whatever. The catholics, unsatisfied, sought help from the almighty Pope in The Vatican and filed a court case lifting the ban on 'Allah'. Obviously, the judge isn't an idiot and they won. Muslims, being the typical cry baby and butt hurt from the court's decision, started firing their lazers and bombed churches. Ironically, most the bombs never went off, causing minimal demage, because Malays are like the French, they just can't get anything right. In the end, the USA invaded Malaysia, sent the Malays back to Arabland where they happily worshipped Allah and stole all the oil and gold. The End.8 L7 Y, w8 m6 R! A; r3 Y8 i
Edit Education of Malaysia Main article: Education of Malaysiaos.tvboxnow.com, `# L2 H! G5 s' Q% X
The education system of Malaysia is unique, being the only system in the world to penalize high achievers and reward idiots. Brains are exported overseas while the least brightest are nurtured locally, which is the main reason why Malaysians would be unable to differentiate between left and right by 2020. All Malaysians attend 11 years of compulsory brainwashing at government facilities called public schools. Upon graduating, ethnic Malays either enroll in top-quality world class Malaysian universities or creativity classes such as The Art of Mat Rempit and The Basics of Porno DVD Production.公仔箱論壇% C& j: T, p( C( m% X8 j
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發表於 2010-12-30 02:47 AM
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看貼是一種享受
回帖是一種支持
發表於 2010-12-30 01:30 PM
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I will go back and read more in detail la.....
